klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Jeff Hardy was sent home from Impact tonight. I really hope that’s not all he gets for this.
Smackdown got a 1.93 which is down just a bit from last week but nothing major.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 14, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Snooki
After last week’s pretty good show, we’re here with the first of the final three Raws before Mania. With 20 days to go, things started to looks up last week as Miz got serious and Cena apparently is done talking to Rock. Also tonight it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus in a title vs. job match which should be fun. Let’s get to it.
Oh and Snooki is here tonight too. Damn it all.
We open with a picture of the Rock and hear him talking to the president. He makes fun of Cena’s promo last week, saying it wasn’t funny and that Cena talks like a child. Cena’s music hits and Rock says he’ll have to call the President back. Rock talks to someone off camera, saying that Cena is a man for coming to see him.
And it’s a kid. The kid is in a Cena shirt and raps a bit but Rock says that Cena has to talk like an adult. Rock sits down and makes fun of “Cena”, saying that while Cena has run with the ball since Rock is gone, he hasn’t run that far. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that Cena simply isn’t that talented.
Rock says it doesn’t matter how that makes him feel and Cena starts crying. Rock says that the fans should be crying after seeing Cena’s movies. The Rock gives him a gift: a box of Fruity Pebbles. This is absolutely hilarious by the way. After sending the kid away, Rock turns to the camera and turns his attention to the Miz.
They haven’t been introduced and Miz claims to be the most must see WWE Champion in history. Well he’s the Rock, the most electrifying man in all of entertainment. There’s this ominous music playing in the background at the same time. Miz hit the People’s Elbow and insulted his family. That statement means that Miz wants the biggest ass whipping of all time. Rock says the time for talking is done and before Mania he will be on Raw. Cena needs to shut his mouth. The smack will be laid down, if you smell what he’s cooking.
Trish is in the back with Snooki. Someone get me my gun that I don’t own.
All three commentators are here and Cole is in his own glass/plastic box. That’s hilarious. Oh and it’s called the Cole Mine. Great stuff. There’s no top on it.
Here’s Miz and we get a clip of three weeks ago when Miz and Cena won the tag titles. Also we see the end of the cage match and of last week’s show. In present time Miz says that Rock’s shirt says I Bring It. That’s true as he brings bad movies, weak catchphrases and long diatribes of a has been. Miz runs down Rock’s family because he’s WWE Champion, making him better than them.
Rock likes to make six year olds cry. Miz says Rock should step into this ring as Miz will make Rock cry. Rock doesn’t own Cena, the Miz does. Miz says that he hopes Rock brings it here to St. Louis, but if Rock does he’ll be overshadowed by Miz. The catchphrase seems to end the commercial but we have an e-mail.
Cole has to leave the box to get to the podium and Lawler blocks his way. Apparently Jerry is going to read them tonight. There are two first time ever matches tonight: one for Cena and one for Miz. Cena faces Alberto Del Rio and Miz faces the Great Khali. I would have bet on HHH but I guess they’re saving that for Mania. Miz vs. Khali is next.
The Miz vs. Great Khali
Naturally Khali dominates to start. Cole is already getting on my verves by ignoring Lawler every time he talks. Khali gets the big overhead chop and locks in the vice less than a minute in. Miz’s face being all crushed is hilarious. Miz gets the rope and Riley runs in for the DQ (wasn’t he fired?) at 1:14. Miz destroys Khali with a chair Austin style post match. DDT on the chair ends it. Miz actually BROKE the chair, as in one of the legs is hanging off. There’s a gash in Khali’s back too which I can’t imagine is fake.
Cole is going to expose Lawler tonight with a special guest.
Orton vs. Ryan later.
We see the HHH video from Smackdown which is designed to make HHH look like a tough bad ass. That isn’t that hard to do.
John Morrison is talking to Snooki. Damn it he had potential. She offers him a spot of Jersey Shore. Vickie and Dolph come up and make fun of Snooki. Apparently Vickie was offered the cover of Playboy. Snooki makes a fat joke and blocks a slap to hit Vickie and we take a break.
US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
There’s a graphic with an American flag and fireworks for the US Title. Cool. If Sheamus loses he quits. Gail Kim is with Bryan here. Sheamus looked angry about the idea of the stipulation even though it was his idea I believe. Sheamus takes over early as we talk about the possibility of the curse of being King of the Ring. Bryan moonsaults over Sheamus and tries the LeBell Lock but Sheamus escapes.
Suicide Dive to the floor takes down Sheamus and a missile dropkick takes down the Irishman for two. Sheamus hits the floor again and looks lost as we take a break. Back with Sheamus in control of Bryan, mainly focusing on his back. Bryan grabs a small package for two and sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus may have hurt his ankle again just like last week.
He makes it back in this week but the Brogue Kick misses and Bryan grabs the LeBell Lock. Sheamus grabs the ropes and tries the High Cross. Bryan rolls through it for two and they slug it out with Bryan taking him down. BIG kick to the head gets a long two. Bryan goes up but jumps into the Brogue Kick which ends Bryan’s title reign at 9:00. Sweet ending.
Cole says he’s going to commit Regicide (killing of a king) tonight and his guest is up next.
After a recap of last week’s segment with JBL, Cole and Austin. Cole is in the ring and says that Jerry gets defensive about his family. Tonight Cole isn’t going to talk about Lawler’s family because Lawler’s family is going to talk about Lawler. Cue Brian freaking Christopher, looking like a slim Dusty Rhodes with a beard with a distance. Christopher cuts a total heel promo, saying how Lawler never wanted a family or a son and when Christopher made it to WWE, Lawler didn’t acknowledge that Christopher was his son.
Lawler grabs the mic and says that he’s glad Christopher never went by Brian Lawler, because he’s a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen, proven by him associating with Michael Cole. Brian asks his dad how it feels that his son was at Wrestlemania before Lawler did as one of the biggest stars in the company as part of Too Cool (just go with it). Christopher gets in his face and Lawler just sits there and takes it. Cole says this proves that Lawler is a loser.
CUE JR of all people who says that Cole has gone too far with everything and that Cole needs to come to his senses. Cole says that Ross needs to just go away and that he’s the voice of the WWE and not Jim Ross. Ross has wanted to talk to him about that, because the voice of the WWE is that of the fans, not one person. Lawler has been carrying Cole like a baby kangaroo in his mother’s pouch. Ross says Cole isn’t cuddly like a kangaroo though. He’s a rat bastard.
Cole talks about how this is what he always expected: Ross leaving Cole in his Cole’s ring like a coward. JR takes the jacket and tie off and is ready to fight. As he gets ready, Swagger jumps Lawler and then hits the ring to beat up Ross and put on the ankle lock. Lawler gets up and hammers Swagger but Cole jumps on Lawler and puts the ankle lock on Lawler who taps. Cole puts the hold on Ross and the evildoers stand tall. Good stuff here indeed.
Edge and Christian get a tag title shot on Friday. Cool.
Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan
Huge hometown boy pop for Orton of course. Orton has punted everyone so far and this is the final one left for Orton to beat. Punk is on the ramp of course and if Ryan wins he can be in the corner of Punk at Mania. Ryan uses basic power to take over and hits the sitout Rock Bottom for two. The referee seemed like he had to stop early there so maybe Orton missed his cue. Ryan picks him up and another attempt is countered into the RKO to end it at 2:58. This was nothing for the most part but at least the dismantling of the Nexus is over now.
Orton goes up for Punk on the ramp but turns around and sprints back into the ring to punt Ryan as well. Punk tries to get in from behind but Orton turns and they lock eyes with both almost on their stomachs. Punk slithers out. Ryan is taken out on a stretcher.
We recap Snooki and Vickie from earlier and that slap.
Drew Carey is going into the Hall of Fame. What do you even say to that?
Cole talks some more about how awesome he is.
Snooki and Trish are up next. Snooki gets hit on by Zach Ryder and it’s totally pointless.
Snooki comes out and says nothing at all of note. Way to earn that paycheck!
Vickie Guerero vs. Trish Stratus
This is No DQ all of a sudden. Before the match Vickie yells at Snooki and claims that she was supposed to be on the cover of Rolling Stone instead of Snooki. Trish works as a brunette too. Vickie warms up before we get going here so Trish rolls her up for two. Vickie runs to the floor and loses her shoe. She gets it back and uses it like a sword. Then she throws the shoe at Trish and tries to use it like a baseball bat.
Vickie gets spanked by the shoe until Dolph comes in for the save. Cue Morrison for the second save and a big corkscrew plancha to take down Ziggler. Laycool comes in and Michelle gets the boot to the face of Trish. Vickie gets the pin at 2:30. Just a comedy match here, and yet still longer and better than Hardy vs. Sting. You knew I’d have to get a shot in at that somewhere.
Laycool gets in Snooki’s face post match and the fight is on. Trish makes the save. Snooki raises her arms and the tips of her fingers are equal to the top of Trish’s head. Vickie makes a challenge for a 6 person/Diva/creature tag at Mania. Snooki will do it. Oh sweet damnation I need a blunt object to bash my skull in with.
Sin Cara is still coming. That looks awesome.
Shawn talks about Undertaker. I should point out that it’s 10:58 and we have a main event to go still. Shawn praises Taker as he did HHH last week and nothing of note is said. There’s an aura to the Streak apparently.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Del Rio grabs a headlock to start and Cena speeds things up. Cole says Rock is here tonight in St. Louis. Del Rio hits the floor and we take a break at 11:05. Ok then. Back with Del Rio getting two off an unseen move. Double knockdown and they slug it out after getting up. Here come the shoulders and Del Rio is in trouble. Five Knuckle Shuffle but Brodus runs in for the DQ at 7:25. Not enough shown to rate again which is rather annoying but that's life.
Anyway the point here is that Rock's music plays and HE'S.....someone in a bald wig. That would be Miz I believe. Cena beats up Brodus but the numbers catch up to him. That's the best bald wig I've ever seen. Cena is sent to the floor and Miz beats on him even more. A few mic shots to the head put Cena down. Del Rio and Clay are gone.
Miz suplexes him onto the ramp to mess with his back. Cena fires back but can't get the FU. Miz DDTs him on the stage and Cena is out. Cena gets rammed into the big WWE sign on the stage as this is going a bit long. Skull Crushing Finale into the same sign and Cena is out cold to end the show. Miz's face is awesome.
Results
Great Khali b. The Miz via DQ when Alex Riley interfered
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Randy Orton b. Mason Ryan – RKO
Vickie Guerrero b. Trish Stratus – Guerrero pinned Stratus after a big boot from Michelle McCool
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Brodus Clay interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.7, down a bit but still solid.
NXT
Date: March 15, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
I don’t want to do this. I truly and honestly don’t. I see absolutely zero point to this show existing anymore, at least with this cast. Jacob Novak continues to make me want to hit myself with a blunt object and yet he’s still around. The only thing I have other than that is apparently redemption points are the tiebreakers for this season which helps a bit. Let’s get to it.
We open with the theme song and Striker/Maryse (looking amazing in a blue dress) who introduce the pairings. Apparently the winner also gets to pick their pro for next season. First up is the Talk the Talk challenge. The topic is about themselves though, taking away any entertainment value this segment has.
Novak the Uninteresting goes first and is booed before he starts. Novak raps and it’s bad. The fans boo the city name pop. That says a lot.
Young is second and he goes in front of the fans. He says with the people is where he belongs. That’s why he stands in front of a barrier between them. He also uses Christian’s TNA catchphrase of “if you didn’t know, now you know.” Moderately well received.
O’Brian continues to try to be all serious and gets a better reaction by saying Kansas City. He talks about dreams and just kind of stops talking rather than finishing if that makes sense.
Saxton talks about himself, including having a hamster named Speedy and that he loves Madden. He makes fun of Cannon’s robe and thanks the fans for a second chance.
Cannon says he has Adonis DNA. If that’s a Charlie Sheen reference, I may injure that person. It’s all about him apparently. Regal likes him.
Titus, wearing purple trunks, does his bark and says he talked to Horny earlier today and it went like this. And then he speaks in gibberish. The buzzer cuts him off.
Shockingly the crowd gets to pick the winner and it’s O’Neil, barely beating out Saxton.
Profile on O’Neil who says he wasn’t being himself because he’s used to everything just coming to him.
Darren Young vs. Conor O’Brian
There’s a Darren chant as we get going here. Young controls early, hammering on O’Brian with European uppercuts in the corner. That gets him nowhere as he gets sent shoulder first into the corner. I haven’t heard a crowd this quiet in a very long time. Wisely O’Brian works on the arm using a variety of stuff. Notice that as he switches things up rather than just throwing on an armbar and going with that over and over.
Naturally as I say that, there’s the armbar. Young fires back, naturally using the bad arm because he’s not that intelligent. Young gets going a bit and gets O’Brian into a fireman’s carry and drops O’Brian down onto his knees in a gutbuster which I think I’ve seen Roderick Strong use before to end it at 3:00.
Keg carry later.
The Raw ReBound is an actual recap, this time being the ending with the somewhat too long beatdown by Miz on Cena. We also get clips of the match and MizRock coming out which had me fooled for a bit actually.
After a break, Maryse is on the phone with someone and Tatsu comes up. He tells her that she’s better than Striker but Cannon breaks it up. This is going to be the romance of the season isn’t it? He apologizes for being a jerk and she leaves. Lucky says that Tatsu won’t ever get her because he’s not lucky. Tatsu is a comedy character that is in the background most of the time and I’m far more interested in him than Cannon.
Profile on Novak which I get a good nap during. The sounds I hear talk about him being more focused after having everything working for him last season.
Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Byron Saxton/Yoshi Tatsu
Well I like Tatsu and that music is as catchy as hell so I can live with that. Regal talks about an old fiancé having a robe like that but she had a leg shorter than the other so he was embarrassed to walk down the aisle with her. Tatsu has a black armband on due to the earthquake/tsunami. It’s pro vs. pro to start and we get some genuine heel cheating to give them the early advantage. Nice to see things like that.
Solid Yoshi chant as Cannon has issues with a side salto. I prefer Luigi but that’s just me. Off to a body scissors now as the fans are far more into this than the previous night. Damn it Kidd quit moving around on the apron. Your hair was giving me perfect reception on my TV. Tatsu runs over Cannon after being in that hold for awhile and we get the double tag.
Off to Saxton and Kidd. Saxton works better as a face (kind of) and Cannon a bit better as a heel. Kidd gets a kick to the head but Cannon tags himself in. He hits Saxton with a reverse FU (same position but he slams Saxton back the way he came. Sean O’Haire used this back in 2003 and called it the Widowmaker) to end it at 4:10.
The Raw stuff this week is the whole Trish/Vickie/Laycool/Snooki/Ziggler/Morrison thing from last night. I’ll spare you a bunch of bitching here.
Time for the keg carry which is a St. Patrick’s Day version this time. Before we start though we get a video of Titus trying back in Season 2 where he fell on his face, complete with cartoon music. Novak goes first and gets a time of 9.9. He FLEW around the ring with those long legs.
Young is second and gets 9.8. He’s FAR more credible with the normal looking hair.
O’Brian is third and gets 9.4. Hokey smoke he didn’t seem to be going that fast.
Saxton is up next with Yoshi playing cheerleader. 9.5 puts him in second place.
Cannon is the next to last and Maryse has started calling him Fabio. Instead of running, he recites a poem in what sounds like French. Yep and it’s for Maryse. She wants to know if she can go throw up. I like her better as a face too. Did everyone just get assigned the wrong character? He touches her hair and gets slapped for his troubles. I think he liked it.
Titus is last, complete with Horny barking. He wins it with a time of 9.1. Ever notice how every week someone gets to dominate? That’s Titus this week.
Results
Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge
Darren Young b. Conor O’Brian – Double Knee Gutbuster
Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon b. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton – Release fireman’s carry slam
Titus O’Neil won the Keg Carry Challenge
Wednesday
Rey Mysterio has said there is nothing to the rumors of him wanting out. That doesn’t surprise me.
TNA has offered their fans that purchased Victory Road 6 months free of their online vault. That’s better than nothing.
Thursday
Apparently Superstars has been canceled. At least now I don’t have to care about missing it anymore.
Impact
Date: March 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Well it’s the first show after the disaster that was the ending of Victory Road. Hardy is not here tonight apparently which is about as little as you could ask for. Jeff Jarrett said that he would call out Angle for a truce on tonight’s show, meaning their feud is likely going to continue until Lockdown. We’re on the road to said PPV now, so let’s get to it.
Immediately Sting is here and he has a new TNA World Title belt which looks a bit like a UFC belt. He has the Hardy belt in his hand. Sting says that before Hogan’s show starts he wants Hogan and Bischoff down here now, or the show won’t start. With the men in power in the ring, Sting hands Hulk the belt and says that’s all that’s left of Jeff Hardy. Hogan throws it to the floor.
Sting wants to know how it feels to ruin a superstar like Jeff Hardy. Sting says that Jeff is a grown man but Hogan and Bischoff turned him into something twisted and dark. If they try to turn Jeff face out of this, I’m not sure what to think of that. Sting says he can’t help Jeff Hardy but he can help the 50 guys in the back that are ready to go.
Hogan says he’s a Johnny Come Lately and that Hardy cost Immortal, not the other way around. Hulk says that Jeff’s demise was his own fault and he couldn’t live up to the Immortal standards. Hogan asks Sting why Immortal is all at the top of its game, even Matt Hardy. Did he really just say that? Hogan threatens Sting, saying don’t worry about saving the boys in the back, but rather saving himself.
Since he came back two weeks ago there have been main event guys calling him all the time wanting to come here and wanting to take Sting’s place. Sting wants to know who’s been calling. Cue, I kid you not, Bully Ray. Ray says that he’s been ringing the phone off the hook because he’s been waiting for this chance all his life. Ray kisses Hogan’s ass a bit, saying without him there would be no wrestling business. True, but why is Bully Ray saying this?
He talks about how no matter what Sting does, he’ll never be able to beat Hogan. The Bully asks to be part of Immortal and wants to become world champion. The interesting thing is that Ray can actually talk well enough to be on this level, but at the end of the day he’s Bubba Ray Dudley. Hogan says don’t worry about Sting and here’s Fourtune as we take a break.
Back with AJ saying Fourtune has Sting’s back. He says Ray has always wanted to be a singles wrestler but he had a partner for the last 15 years that carried the load. Bully wants to smack the silver spoon out of AJ’s mouth because Dixie has been carrying AJ the whole time. Ray says without D-Von he would have been a 23 time world champion. AJ slaps Bubba and here’s Anderson because there aren’t enough people out here already.
Anderson wants his rematch and says he’s an asshole about 10 times. The fans laugh, proving why this is stupid. It’s not a moment where people are supposed to laugh. Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD. Anderson says RVD couldn’t beat him either, so “it’s your call, TERRANCE.” Oh yeah, he went there. Bischoff does the ratings thing, four way is made: AJ vs. Ray vs. Anderson vs. RVD. Great.
Angle is here with a big present for the newlyweds.
Back with AJ talking to RVD and wanting a partnership tonight in the main event. RVD isn’t sure but more or less says no.
Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Alissa Flash
It’s another open challenge here. Flash is more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa or Raisha Saed. And the Rayne Drop ends this in 19 seconds. Why did this happen again? Oh so Mickie James can come down. Let me guess: that’s Lockdown because we didn’t have it enough in previous months? Mickie makes the obvious challenge but Madison says Mickie has to put her hair up. Mickie says cool.
Pope, looking like Orlando Jordan, is with a bunch of people that are pretending to have various ailments such as being fat, blind and in a wheelchair that he’s going to pretend to heal. Oh dear.
Back with Anderson yelling at Hogan more. He wants to know why he has to fight for a title shot he already owns. That’s a great question since he won a #1 contenders match about three weeks ago. Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD like always. Hogan says do things the hard way or our way and he throws the cameraman out.
Time for Pope who is in a white suit. He says that miracles need to be performed and tonight there will be miracles happening. Pope says that Jesus can do this and so can he. He takes the “blind” man’s glasses off and spits on his own hands, calling it holy oil. The man can see now. Next up is the lame man who he kicks in the legs and smacks him in the head. The man pops up and kind of dances a bit. Up last is the chick in the fat suit. Pope grabs her…stomach I think and says that no one including Jesus could help her lose weight.
FINALLY Joe comes out to end this along with Okato. This feud couldn’t be stupider if they tried to make it worse. Pope yells at Joe for ruining Pope’s stuff. Joe is getting fatter by the second I think. Pope throws the people into it and pulls Okato out. He puts a knife to Okato’s throat and in a funny bit keeps hitting Okato in the head for stepping on Pope’s shoes. Pope kicks him in the cuts and throws him into the entrance area before jabbing his knife into his throat, showing that it’s fake.
Back and Pope is beating on Okato who is tied up. Wait….where is Joe? He takes the mask off and says he doesn’t like how Okato looks so put the mask back on. He beats on Okato forever with a stick or a pole or something until Joe FINALLY shows up. I guess they ran out of catering. Also he calls him Okada when he comes up. Joe is all mad or something.
RVD comes up to Anderson in the back and accuses him of joining Immortal. Nothing of note is said but Anderson denies it.
Velvet and Winter argue about who gets to team up with Angelina as we hit one hour into the show. Angelina leaves with Winter.
Here’s are the Jarretts for MORE TALKING. Seriously, 60 minutes in, 19 seconds of wrestling. Jeff calls himself the Ultra Male now. I give up. He says he has nothing left to prove but gets stopped by a Jarrett sucks chant. There is nothing left for him to do to Angle so for the good of the kids, he’s offering a truce. He says that they need to get along for the sake of their kids (are they breaking up or something?) and he’ll let Kurt beg for forgiveness.
Angle comes out with the big gift from earlier. It’s pretty good sized, probably about four feet long and two feet wide. I’d die of laughter if it’s an axe. Angle says that Jeff is the better man and the father/husband that Kurt never could be. He has a peace offering but Jeff is skeptical. Jeff opens the paper like it’s Christmas morning and it’s…another box. It’s a guitar with an American flag on it. Naturally it winds up around Jeff’s head. Karen tries to hit Angle in the balls butt there’s no effect. I knew those steroids would catch up with him. Ah it’s a cup.
He takes it out and smiles but then turns to yell at Jeff more. Hey Karen, HIT HIM NOW! Jeff is bleeding as Kurt says he’ll go medieval on his ass. Kurt wants a match at Lockdown or he’ll come and hurt both of them. Jeff, bleeding from the eye, says yes. Kurt says don’t bother going to Hogan or Bischoff because he’ll find Jeff and hurt him. Tell me that’s the end of the feud.
Bischoff is talking to Gunner/Murphy/Terry in the back and we hear the WE MUST HAVE ALL THE TITLES speech again. Abyss has been stripped of the title (finally) and one of those three will win the title.
There’s a six person street fight coming later.
Back with Karen wanting the police here and shouting into the phone about it. Jeff is mad at Kurt.
We get a video package about the TV Title match. Why in the world do we need a hype video for that?
TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy
Gunner has the tattoos. Got it. The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon. Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here. We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle. People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere. Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning. Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47. The match didn’t even make it to two minutes. Wow indeed. Bischoff comes out to applaud.
AJ says he was trying to help RVD, not himself.
Back with the cops telling the Jarretts to chill. Karen mentions a restraining order.
Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love
Well I’ve always been a fan of mixing feuds like this. Also, oddly enough Sarita might look better in long pants which is surprising. Hernandez says welcome to Mexican America. He says they’re taking over and whistles into the microphone. Winter’s music is like a messed up lullaby which is pretty freaking awesome. She has the blindfold on again. This is a street fight.
Morgan hits the ring in jeans and the fight is on. Oh and it’s one of those street fights where you have to tag. The guys start as the girls fight on the floor. The corner thing didn’t last long. Morgan hammers away but the girls jump on him (lucky bastard). He throws them off and Winter/Angelina destroy them. A spinning backbreaker ends Rosita in 1:24.
Post match some Mexican guy (who appears to be Matt “Lowrider” Barela who was OVW Champion for the majority of last year) comes in but Morgan fights them off.
We come back with a recap video of the Anderson/RVD match at the PPV.
AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam
It’s 10:36 when these entrances start so there’s a ton of time here. Surprisingly there’s no bell before we start. Anderson vs. RVD and AJ vs. Ray to start. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish which helps a bit. Ray runs over AJ who nips up and takes him down with a rana. Jumping forearm in the corner and AJ is in control.
Monkey flip is blocked and Anderson fights Ray. RVD vs. Ray as AJ and Anderson have been knocked to the floor. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder but Anderson pulls Rob to the floor. AJ gets a sunset flip on Anderson for two. We’re firmly into the formula here of having each guy dominate for a bit but no one is really moving towards a finish. At the moment it’s Ray taking over.
RVD takes down Ray but the Five Star misses. Spinning Rock Bottom takes Anderson down but AJ gets a top rope cross body on Ray for two. Middle rope kick to AJ gets two. Neckbreaker to RVD gets two. AJ dives out at Ray to the floor but lands on the ground. Ray grabs a chair but Hebner pulls it away to save Styles. The chair goes into the ring and Anderson suplexes RVD onto it and it’s a double pin at 5:55. Ray drills the referee before the finish can be announced. Are you serious? RVD wasn’t on Anderson in any way at all.
AJ and Ray fight up to the stage and Flair comes out to save Ray. It’s a HUGE sitout powerbomb off the stage to put AJ through something that resembled a table next to the stage. Everyone is out and we throw up an X. They have to turn straightedge now? We take a break with everyone down.
Back with Anderson and Ray having to be separated. AJ is put in a neck brace and taken out on a stretcher. So now their either first or second top face is doing an injury angle? This is how the show ends. We see replays and AJ is taken out. That’s Impact for you this week folks. Enjoy it TNA fans. This is what you guys wanted right? Give me a break.
Results
Madison Rayne b. Alissa Flash – Rayne Drop
Gunner b. Rob Terry and Murphy – F5 to Murphy
Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love b. Rosita/Sarita/Hernandez – Winter pinned Rosita after a spinning backbreaker
Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson went to a no contest
Jeff Hardy was sent home from Impact tonight. I really hope that’s not all he gets for this.
Smackdown got a 1.93 which is down just a bit from last week but nothing major.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 14, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Snooki
After last week’s pretty good show, we’re here with the first of the final three Raws before Mania. With 20 days to go, things started to looks up last week as Miz got serious and Cena apparently is done talking to Rock. Also tonight it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus in a title vs. job match which should be fun. Let’s get to it.
Oh and Snooki is here tonight too. Damn it all.
We open with a picture of the Rock and hear him talking to the president. He makes fun of Cena’s promo last week, saying it wasn’t funny and that Cena talks like a child. Cena’s music hits and Rock says he’ll have to call the President back. Rock talks to someone off camera, saying that Cena is a man for coming to see him.
And it’s a kid. The kid is in a Cena shirt and raps a bit but Rock says that Cena has to talk like an adult. Rock sits down and makes fun of “Cena”, saying that while Cena has run with the ball since Rock is gone, he hasn’t run that far. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that Cena simply isn’t that talented.
Rock says it doesn’t matter how that makes him feel and Cena starts crying. Rock says that the fans should be crying after seeing Cena’s movies. The Rock gives him a gift: a box of Fruity Pebbles. This is absolutely hilarious by the way. After sending the kid away, Rock turns to the camera and turns his attention to the Miz.
They haven’t been introduced and Miz claims to be the most must see WWE Champion in history. Well he’s the Rock, the most electrifying man in all of entertainment. There’s this ominous music playing in the background at the same time. Miz hit the People’s Elbow and insulted his family. That statement means that Miz wants the biggest ass whipping of all time. Rock says the time for talking is done and before Mania he will be on Raw. Cena needs to shut his mouth. The smack will be laid down, if you smell what he’s cooking.
Trish is in the back with Snooki. Someone get me my gun that I don’t own.
All three commentators are here and Cole is in his own glass/plastic box. That’s hilarious. Oh and it’s called the Cole Mine. Great stuff. There’s no top on it.
Here’s Miz and we get a clip of three weeks ago when Miz and Cena won the tag titles. Also we see the end of the cage match and of last week’s show. In present time Miz says that Rock’s shirt says I Bring It. That’s true as he brings bad movies, weak catchphrases and long diatribes of a has been. Miz runs down Rock’s family because he’s WWE Champion, making him better than them.
Rock likes to make six year olds cry. Miz says Rock should step into this ring as Miz will make Rock cry. Rock doesn’t own Cena, the Miz does. Miz says that he hopes Rock brings it here to St. Louis, but if Rock does he’ll be overshadowed by Miz. The catchphrase seems to end the commercial but we have an e-mail.
Cole has to leave the box to get to the podium and Lawler blocks his way. Apparently Jerry is going to read them tonight. There are two first time ever matches tonight: one for Cena and one for Miz. Cena faces Alberto Del Rio and Miz faces the Great Khali. I would have bet on HHH but I guess they’re saving that for Mania. Miz vs. Khali is next.
The Miz vs. Great Khali
Naturally Khali dominates to start. Cole is already getting on my verves by ignoring Lawler every time he talks. Khali gets the big overhead chop and locks in the vice less than a minute in. Miz’s face being all crushed is hilarious. Miz gets the rope and Riley runs in for the DQ (wasn’t he fired?) at 1:14. Miz destroys Khali with a chair Austin style post match. DDT on the chair ends it. Miz actually BROKE the chair, as in one of the legs is hanging off. There’s a gash in Khali’s back too which I can’t imagine is fake.
Cole is going to expose Lawler tonight with a special guest.
Orton vs. Ryan later.
We see the HHH video from Smackdown which is designed to make HHH look like a tough bad ass. That isn’t that hard to do.
John Morrison is talking to Snooki. Damn it he had potential. She offers him a spot of Jersey Shore. Vickie and Dolph come up and make fun of Snooki. Apparently Vickie was offered the cover of Playboy. Snooki makes a fat joke and blocks a slap to hit Vickie and we take a break.
US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
There’s a graphic with an American flag and fireworks for the US Title. Cool. If Sheamus loses he quits. Gail Kim is with Bryan here. Sheamus looked angry about the idea of the stipulation even though it was his idea I believe. Sheamus takes over early as we talk about the possibility of the curse of being King of the Ring. Bryan moonsaults over Sheamus and tries the LeBell Lock but Sheamus escapes.
Suicide Dive to the floor takes down Sheamus and a missile dropkick takes down the Irishman for two. Sheamus hits the floor again and looks lost as we take a break. Back with Sheamus in control of Bryan, mainly focusing on his back. Bryan grabs a small package for two and sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus may have hurt his ankle again just like last week.
He makes it back in this week but the Brogue Kick misses and Bryan grabs the LeBell Lock. Sheamus grabs the ropes and tries the High Cross. Bryan rolls through it for two and they slug it out with Bryan taking him down. BIG kick to the head gets a long two. Bryan goes up but jumps into the Brogue Kick which ends Bryan’s title reign at 9:00. Sweet ending.
Cole says he’s going to commit Regicide (killing of a king) tonight and his guest is up next.
After a recap of last week’s segment with JBL, Cole and Austin. Cole is in the ring and says that Jerry gets defensive about his family. Tonight Cole isn’t going to talk about Lawler’s family because Lawler’s family is going to talk about Lawler. Cue Brian freaking Christopher, looking like a slim Dusty Rhodes with a beard with a distance. Christopher cuts a total heel promo, saying how Lawler never wanted a family or a son and when Christopher made it to WWE, Lawler didn’t acknowledge that Christopher was his son.
Lawler grabs the mic and says that he’s glad Christopher never went by Brian Lawler, because he’s a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen, proven by him associating with Michael Cole. Brian asks his dad how it feels that his son was at Wrestlemania before Lawler did as one of the biggest stars in the company as part of Too Cool (just go with it). Christopher gets in his face and Lawler just sits there and takes it. Cole says this proves that Lawler is a loser.
CUE JR of all people who says that Cole has gone too far with everything and that Cole needs to come to his senses. Cole says that Ross needs to just go away and that he’s the voice of the WWE and not Jim Ross. Ross has wanted to talk to him about that, because the voice of the WWE is that of the fans, not one person. Lawler has been carrying Cole like a baby kangaroo in his mother’s pouch. Ross says Cole isn’t cuddly like a kangaroo though. He’s a rat bastard.
Cole talks about how this is what he always expected: Ross leaving Cole in his Cole’s ring like a coward. JR takes the jacket and tie off and is ready to fight. As he gets ready, Swagger jumps Lawler and then hits the ring to beat up Ross and put on the ankle lock. Lawler gets up and hammers Swagger but Cole jumps on Lawler and puts the ankle lock on Lawler who taps. Cole puts the hold on Ross and the evildoers stand tall. Good stuff here indeed.
Edge and Christian get a tag title shot on Friday. Cool.
Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan
Huge hometown boy pop for Orton of course. Orton has punted everyone so far and this is the final one left for Orton to beat. Punk is on the ramp of course and if Ryan wins he can be in the corner of Punk at Mania. Ryan uses basic power to take over and hits the sitout Rock Bottom for two. The referee seemed like he had to stop early there so maybe Orton missed his cue. Ryan picks him up and another attempt is countered into the RKO to end it at 2:58. This was nothing for the most part but at least the dismantling of the Nexus is over now.
Orton goes up for Punk on the ramp but turns around and sprints back into the ring to punt Ryan as well. Punk tries to get in from behind but Orton turns and they lock eyes with both almost on their stomachs. Punk slithers out. Ryan is taken out on a stretcher.
We recap Snooki and Vickie from earlier and that slap.
Drew Carey is going into the Hall of Fame. What do you even say to that?
Cole talks some more about how awesome he is.
Snooki and Trish are up next. Snooki gets hit on by Zach Ryder and it’s totally pointless.
Snooki comes out and says nothing at all of note. Way to earn that paycheck!
Vickie Guerero vs. Trish Stratus
This is No DQ all of a sudden. Before the match Vickie yells at Snooki and claims that she was supposed to be on the cover of Rolling Stone instead of Snooki. Trish works as a brunette too. Vickie warms up before we get going here so Trish rolls her up for two. Vickie runs to the floor and loses her shoe. She gets it back and uses it like a sword. Then she throws the shoe at Trish and tries to use it like a baseball bat.
Vickie gets spanked by the shoe until Dolph comes in for the save. Cue Morrison for the second save and a big corkscrew plancha to take down Ziggler. Laycool comes in and Michelle gets the boot to the face of Trish. Vickie gets the pin at 2:30. Just a comedy match here, and yet still longer and better than Hardy vs. Sting. You knew I’d have to get a shot in at that somewhere.
Laycool gets in Snooki’s face post match and the fight is on. Trish makes the save. Snooki raises her arms and the tips of her fingers are equal to the top of Trish’s head. Vickie makes a challenge for a 6 person/Diva/creature tag at Mania. Snooki will do it. Oh sweet damnation I need a blunt object to bash my skull in with.
Sin Cara is still coming. That looks awesome.
Shawn talks about Undertaker. I should point out that it’s 10:58 and we have a main event to go still. Shawn praises Taker as he did HHH last week and nothing of note is said. There’s an aura to the Streak apparently.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Del Rio grabs a headlock to start and Cena speeds things up. Cole says Rock is here tonight in St. Louis. Del Rio hits the floor and we take a break at 11:05. Ok then. Back with Del Rio getting two off an unseen move. Double knockdown and they slug it out after getting up. Here come the shoulders and Del Rio is in trouble. Five Knuckle Shuffle but Brodus runs in for the DQ at 7:25. Not enough shown to rate again which is rather annoying but that's life.
Anyway the point here is that Rock's music plays and HE'S.....someone in a bald wig. That would be Miz I believe. Cena beats up Brodus but the numbers catch up to him. That's the best bald wig I've ever seen. Cena is sent to the floor and Miz beats on him even more. A few mic shots to the head put Cena down. Del Rio and Clay are gone.
Miz suplexes him onto the ramp to mess with his back. Cena fires back but can't get the FU. Miz DDTs him on the stage and Cena is out. Cena gets rammed into the big WWE sign on the stage as this is going a bit long. Skull Crushing Finale into the same sign and Cena is out cold to end the show. Miz's face is awesome.
Results
Great Khali b. The Miz via DQ when Alex Riley interfered
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Randy Orton b. Mason Ryan – RKO
Vickie Guerrero b. Trish Stratus – Guerrero pinned Stratus after a big boot from Michelle McCool
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Brodus Clay interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.7, down a bit but still solid.
NXT
Date: March 15, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
I don’t want to do this. I truly and honestly don’t. I see absolutely zero point to this show existing anymore, at least with this cast. Jacob Novak continues to make me want to hit myself with a blunt object and yet he’s still around. The only thing I have other than that is apparently redemption points are the tiebreakers for this season which helps a bit. Let’s get to it.
We open with the theme song and Striker/Maryse (looking amazing in a blue dress) who introduce the pairings. Apparently the winner also gets to pick their pro for next season. First up is the Talk the Talk challenge. The topic is about themselves though, taking away any entertainment value this segment has.
Novak the Uninteresting goes first and is booed before he starts. Novak raps and it’s bad. The fans boo the city name pop. That says a lot.
Young is second and he goes in front of the fans. He says with the people is where he belongs. That’s why he stands in front of a barrier between them. He also uses Christian’s TNA catchphrase of “if you didn’t know, now you know.” Moderately well received.
O’Brian continues to try to be all serious and gets a better reaction by saying Kansas City. He talks about dreams and just kind of stops talking rather than finishing if that makes sense.
Saxton talks about himself, including having a hamster named Speedy and that he loves Madden. He makes fun of Cannon’s robe and thanks the fans for a second chance.
Cannon says he has Adonis DNA. If that’s a Charlie Sheen reference, I may injure that person. It’s all about him apparently. Regal likes him.
Titus, wearing purple trunks, does his bark and says he talked to Horny earlier today and it went like this. And then he speaks in gibberish. The buzzer cuts him off.
Shockingly the crowd gets to pick the winner and it’s O’Neil, barely beating out Saxton.
Profile on O’Neil who says he wasn’t being himself because he’s used to everything just coming to him.
Darren Young vs. Conor O’Brian
There’s a Darren chant as we get going here. Young controls early, hammering on O’Brian with European uppercuts in the corner. That gets him nowhere as he gets sent shoulder first into the corner. I haven’t heard a crowd this quiet in a very long time. Wisely O’Brian works on the arm using a variety of stuff. Notice that as he switches things up rather than just throwing on an armbar and going with that over and over.
Naturally as I say that, there’s the armbar. Young fires back, naturally using the bad arm because he’s not that intelligent. Young gets going a bit and gets O’Brian into a fireman’s carry and drops O’Brian down onto his knees in a gutbuster which I think I’ve seen Roderick Strong use before to end it at 3:00.
Keg carry later.
The Raw ReBound is an actual recap, this time being the ending with the somewhat too long beatdown by Miz on Cena. We also get clips of the match and MizRock coming out which had me fooled for a bit actually.
After a break, Maryse is on the phone with someone and Tatsu comes up. He tells her that she’s better than Striker but Cannon breaks it up. This is going to be the romance of the season isn’t it? He apologizes for being a jerk and she leaves. Lucky says that Tatsu won’t ever get her because he’s not lucky. Tatsu is a comedy character that is in the background most of the time and I’m far more interested in him than Cannon.
Profile on Novak which I get a good nap during. The sounds I hear talk about him being more focused after having everything working for him last season.
Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Byron Saxton/Yoshi Tatsu
Well I like Tatsu and that music is as catchy as hell so I can live with that. Regal talks about an old fiancé having a robe like that but she had a leg shorter than the other so he was embarrassed to walk down the aisle with her. Tatsu has a black armband on due to the earthquake/tsunami. It’s pro vs. pro to start and we get some genuine heel cheating to give them the early advantage. Nice to see things like that.
Solid Yoshi chant as Cannon has issues with a side salto. I prefer Luigi but that’s just me. Off to a body scissors now as the fans are far more into this than the previous night. Damn it Kidd quit moving around on the apron. Your hair was giving me perfect reception on my TV. Tatsu runs over Cannon after being in that hold for awhile and we get the double tag.
Off to Saxton and Kidd. Saxton works better as a face (kind of) and Cannon a bit better as a heel. Kidd gets a kick to the head but Cannon tags himself in. He hits Saxton with a reverse FU (same position but he slams Saxton back the way he came. Sean O’Haire used this back in 2003 and called it the Widowmaker) to end it at 4:10.
The Raw stuff this week is the whole Trish/Vickie/Laycool/Snooki/Ziggler/Morrison thing from last night. I’ll spare you a bunch of bitching here.
Time for the keg carry which is a St. Patrick’s Day version this time. Before we start though we get a video of Titus trying back in Season 2 where he fell on his face, complete with cartoon music. Novak goes first and gets a time of 9.9. He FLEW around the ring with those long legs.
Young is second and gets 9.8. He’s FAR more credible with the normal looking hair.
O’Brian is third and gets 9.4. Hokey smoke he didn’t seem to be going that fast.
Saxton is up next with Yoshi playing cheerleader. 9.5 puts him in second place.
Cannon is the next to last and Maryse has started calling him Fabio. Instead of running, he recites a poem in what sounds like French. Yep and it’s for Maryse. She wants to know if she can go throw up. I like her better as a face too. Did everyone just get assigned the wrong character? He touches her hair and gets slapped for his troubles. I think he liked it.
Titus is last, complete with Horny barking. He wins it with a time of 9.1. Ever notice how every week someone gets to dominate? That’s Titus this week.
Results
Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge
Darren Young b. Conor O’Brian – Double Knee Gutbuster
Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon b. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton – Release fireman’s carry slam
Titus O’Neil won the Keg Carry Challenge
Wednesday
Rey Mysterio has said there is nothing to the rumors of him wanting out. That doesn’t surprise me.
TNA has offered their fans that purchased Victory Road 6 months free of their online vault. That’s better than nothing.
Thursday
Apparently Superstars has been canceled. At least now I don’t have to care about missing it anymore.
Impact
Date: March 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Well it’s the first show after the disaster that was the ending of Victory Road. Hardy is not here tonight apparently which is about as little as you could ask for. Jeff Jarrett said that he would call out Angle for a truce on tonight’s show, meaning their feud is likely going to continue until Lockdown. We’re on the road to said PPV now, so let’s get to it.
Immediately Sting is here and he has a new TNA World Title belt which looks a bit like a UFC belt. He has the Hardy belt in his hand. Sting says that before Hogan’s show starts he wants Hogan and Bischoff down here now, or the show won’t start. With the men in power in the ring, Sting hands Hulk the belt and says that’s all that’s left of Jeff Hardy. Hogan throws it to the floor.
Sting wants to know how it feels to ruin a superstar like Jeff Hardy. Sting says that Jeff is a grown man but Hogan and Bischoff turned him into something twisted and dark. If they try to turn Jeff face out of this, I’m not sure what to think of that. Sting says he can’t help Jeff Hardy but he can help the 50 guys in the back that are ready to go.
Hogan says he’s a Johnny Come Lately and that Hardy cost Immortal, not the other way around. Hulk says that Jeff’s demise was his own fault and he couldn’t live up to the Immortal standards. Hogan asks Sting why Immortal is all at the top of its game, even Matt Hardy. Did he really just say that? Hogan threatens Sting, saying don’t worry about saving the boys in the back, but rather saving himself.
Since he came back two weeks ago there have been main event guys calling him all the time wanting to come here and wanting to take Sting’s place. Sting wants to know who’s been calling. Cue, I kid you not, Bully Ray. Ray says that he’s been ringing the phone off the hook because he’s been waiting for this chance all his life. Ray kisses Hogan’s ass a bit, saying without him there would be no wrestling business. True, but why is Bully Ray saying this?
He talks about how no matter what Sting does, he’ll never be able to beat Hogan. The Bully asks to be part of Immortal and wants to become world champion. The interesting thing is that Ray can actually talk well enough to be on this level, but at the end of the day he’s Bubba Ray Dudley. Hogan says don’t worry about Sting and here’s Fourtune as we take a break.
Back with AJ saying Fourtune has Sting’s back. He says Ray has always wanted to be a singles wrestler but he had a partner for the last 15 years that carried the load. Bully wants to smack the silver spoon out of AJ’s mouth because Dixie has been carrying AJ the whole time. Ray says without D-Von he would have been a 23 time world champion. AJ slaps Bubba and here’s Anderson because there aren’t enough people out here already.
Anderson wants his rematch and says he’s an asshole about 10 times. The fans laugh, proving why this is stupid. It’s not a moment where people are supposed to laugh. Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD. Anderson says RVD couldn’t beat him either, so “it’s your call, TERRANCE.” Oh yeah, he went there. Bischoff does the ratings thing, four way is made: AJ vs. Ray vs. Anderson vs. RVD. Great.
Angle is here with a big present for the newlyweds.
Back with AJ talking to RVD and wanting a partnership tonight in the main event. RVD isn’t sure but more or less says no.
Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Alissa Flash
It’s another open challenge here. Flash is more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa or Raisha Saed. And the Rayne Drop ends this in 19 seconds. Why did this happen again? Oh so Mickie James can come down. Let me guess: that’s Lockdown because we didn’t have it enough in previous months? Mickie makes the obvious challenge but Madison says Mickie has to put her hair up. Mickie says cool.
Pope, looking like Orlando Jordan, is with a bunch of people that are pretending to have various ailments such as being fat, blind and in a wheelchair that he’s going to pretend to heal. Oh dear.
Back with Anderson yelling at Hogan more. He wants to know why he has to fight for a title shot he already owns. That’s a great question since he won a #1 contenders match about three weeks ago. Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD like always. Hogan says do things the hard way or our way and he throws the cameraman out.
Time for Pope who is in a white suit. He says that miracles need to be performed and tonight there will be miracles happening. Pope says that Jesus can do this and so can he. He takes the “blind” man’s glasses off and spits on his own hands, calling it holy oil. The man can see now. Next up is the lame man who he kicks in the legs and smacks him in the head. The man pops up and kind of dances a bit. Up last is the chick in the fat suit. Pope grabs her…stomach I think and says that no one including Jesus could help her lose weight.
FINALLY Joe comes out to end this along with Okato. This feud couldn’t be stupider if they tried to make it worse. Pope yells at Joe for ruining Pope’s stuff. Joe is getting fatter by the second I think. Pope throws the people into it and pulls Okato out. He puts a knife to Okato’s throat and in a funny bit keeps hitting Okato in the head for stepping on Pope’s shoes. Pope kicks him in the cuts and throws him into the entrance area before jabbing his knife into his throat, showing that it’s fake.
Back and Pope is beating on Okato who is tied up. Wait….where is Joe? He takes the mask off and says he doesn’t like how Okato looks so put the mask back on. He beats on Okato forever with a stick or a pole or something until Joe FINALLY shows up. I guess they ran out of catering. Also he calls him Okada when he comes up. Joe is all mad or something.
RVD comes up to Anderson in the back and accuses him of joining Immortal. Nothing of note is said but Anderson denies it.
Velvet and Winter argue about who gets to team up with Angelina as we hit one hour into the show. Angelina leaves with Winter.
Here’s are the Jarretts for MORE TALKING. Seriously, 60 minutes in, 19 seconds of wrestling. Jeff calls himself the Ultra Male now. I give up. He says he has nothing left to prove but gets stopped by a Jarrett sucks chant. There is nothing left for him to do to Angle so for the good of the kids, he’s offering a truce. He says that they need to get along for the sake of their kids (are they breaking up or something?) and he’ll let Kurt beg for forgiveness.
Angle comes out with the big gift from earlier. It’s pretty good sized, probably about four feet long and two feet wide. I’d die of laughter if it’s an axe. Angle says that Jeff is the better man and the father/husband that Kurt never could be. He has a peace offering but Jeff is skeptical. Jeff opens the paper like it’s Christmas morning and it’s…another box. It’s a guitar with an American flag on it. Naturally it winds up around Jeff’s head. Karen tries to hit Angle in the balls butt there’s no effect. I knew those steroids would catch up with him. Ah it’s a cup.
He takes it out and smiles but then turns to yell at Jeff more. Hey Karen, HIT HIM NOW! Jeff is bleeding as Kurt says he’ll go medieval on his ass. Kurt wants a match at Lockdown or he’ll come and hurt both of them. Jeff, bleeding from the eye, says yes. Kurt says don’t bother going to Hogan or Bischoff because he’ll find Jeff and hurt him. Tell me that’s the end of the feud.
Bischoff is talking to Gunner/Murphy/Terry in the back and we hear the WE MUST HAVE ALL THE TITLES speech again. Abyss has been stripped of the title (finally) and one of those three will win the title.
There’s a six person street fight coming later.
Back with Karen wanting the police here and shouting into the phone about it. Jeff is mad at Kurt.
We get a video package about the TV Title match. Why in the world do we need a hype video for that?
TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy
Gunner has the tattoos. Got it. The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon. Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here. We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle. People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere. Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning. Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47. The match didn’t even make it to two minutes. Wow indeed. Bischoff comes out to applaud.
AJ says he was trying to help RVD, not himself.
Back with the cops telling the Jarretts to chill. Karen mentions a restraining order.
Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love
Well I’ve always been a fan of mixing feuds like this. Also, oddly enough Sarita might look better in long pants which is surprising. Hernandez says welcome to Mexican America. He says they’re taking over and whistles into the microphone. Winter’s music is like a messed up lullaby which is pretty freaking awesome. She has the blindfold on again. This is a street fight.
Morgan hits the ring in jeans and the fight is on. Oh and it’s one of those street fights where you have to tag. The guys start as the girls fight on the floor. The corner thing didn’t last long. Morgan hammers away but the girls jump on him (lucky bastard). He throws them off and Winter/Angelina destroy them. A spinning backbreaker ends Rosita in 1:24.
Post match some Mexican guy (who appears to be Matt “Lowrider” Barela who was OVW Champion for the majority of last year) comes in but Morgan fights them off.
We come back with a recap video of the Anderson/RVD match at the PPV.
AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam
It’s 10:36 when these entrances start so there’s a ton of time here. Surprisingly there’s no bell before we start. Anderson vs. RVD and AJ vs. Ray to start. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish which helps a bit. Ray runs over AJ who nips up and takes him down with a rana. Jumping forearm in the corner and AJ is in control.
Monkey flip is blocked and Anderson fights Ray. RVD vs. Ray as AJ and Anderson have been knocked to the floor. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder but Anderson pulls Rob to the floor. AJ gets a sunset flip on Anderson for two. We’re firmly into the formula here of having each guy dominate for a bit but no one is really moving towards a finish. At the moment it’s Ray taking over.
RVD takes down Ray but the Five Star misses. Spinning Rock Bottom takes Anderson down but AJ gets a top rope cross body on Ray for two. Middle rope kick to AJ gets two. Neckbreaker to RVD gets two. AJ dives out at Ray to the floor but lands on the ground. Ray grabs a chair but Hebner pulls it away to save Styles. The chair goes into the ring and Anderson suplexes RVD onto it and it’s a double pin at 5:55. Ray drills the referee before the finish can be announced. Are you serious? RVD wasn’t on Anderson in any way at all.
AJ and Ray fight up to the stage and Flair comes out to save Ray. It’s a HUGE sitout powerbomb off the stage to put AJ through something that resembled a table next to the stage. Everyone is out and we throw up an X. They have to turn straightedge now? We take a break with everyone down.
Back with Anderson and Ray having to be separated. AJ is put in a neck brace and taken out on a stretcher. So now their either first or second top face is doing an injury angle? This is how the show ends. We see replays and AJ is taken out. That’s Impact for you this week folks. Enjoy it TNA fans. This is what you guys wanted right? Give me a break.
Results
Madison Rayne b. Alissa Flash – Rayne Drop
Gunner b. Rob Terry and Murphy – F5 to Murphy
Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love b. Rosita/Sarita/Hernandez – Winter pinned Rosita after a spinning backbreaker
Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson went to a no contest