How do you let other know you're mad at them?

[LSN80]

This isn't necessarily about how you express your anger, not in nature, anyways. Anger generally falls under two categories, those being anger at others due to your interaction with them, or anger over events that happen in your life. I'd like to focus here on the former- The way you express your anger towards those who have made you angry. Anger towards others can range from being mildly irritated, to feeing a total sense of rage. So when feeling this way, it's inevitable that one is going to express that feeling, one way or another.

It's hard to get me angry, and even harder to get me to acknowledge it. Even though I love her dearly, the person who makes me the most angry is my wife. That's reasonable, I suppose, as someone you spend every day of your life with is going to be the person who you find yourself angry at the most.

She's figured out my pattern by now, but it did take some time. If I'm angry at her, or most others, I ignore them. Flat out ignore them. With regards with my wife, I'll simply just avoid her. Whether that means going to another part of the house, finding "work" to focus on, or leaving the house altogether, I tend to just blow the person off. It gives me a sense of power and control, I suppose, and I'm very good at rationalizing it to myself. She pissed me off, I tell myself, so I'm going to "punish her" by completely ignoring her. I generally do this for a few hours, I have a hard time staying angry longer, and I start talking to her again, as if nothing ever happened.

But like I said, my wife has gotten good at recognizing this. So she gives me that time and space to just get away, but when I do "come back", we for damn sure talk about it. I try to avoid that as well, but to her credit, she won't let us "move on" until it's discussed. I've become much more accepting of this over the past 2 years, and I feel like she's helped me better express my anger, both with her, and with others, as I practice the same principles of discussing the situation after I've taken time away. So, while what I do isn't completely healthy, I feel like I've come a long way.

How do you let people know you're angry with them?

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one?

 

[This Is My Name Thank You]

How do you let people know you're angry with them? If it is in person I tell them, or they can tell by my body language. I am usually swearing up a storm with while my hands are flying around. It’s simple; if I have to tell someone I am mad at them in person they must clearly be dumb. If you can't tell by the expression on my face I am pissed then you must be blind because I don't suppress my emotions ever, especially when I am pissed off. If I am getting to the point of where I am infuriated by such person and I am calm, way to calm, I just say to them you are making me mad and I walk away. If I am very calm but angry this is a bad sign. So this is where the warning is necessary for me to tell the person who is making me mad to know to back off before I snap. I hate being bad that’s the crazy part.

If I am mad at someone over via text message I simply give a simple yup. That's all I say. Yup. Then if they keep texting me it is a one word answer and then no more replies. If they make me mad over the phone I say ok, I am hanging up now talk to you later, then I hang up, put the phone on silent, throw it across the room to where I find it hours later. I would rather be mad at someone over the phone versus being mad at someone face to face. I just don't like being mad.

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one? When it is face to face I don't. I think it is very unhealthy to scream at someone while they are making you mad. I tried the whole walking away thing, but, the people who usually make me mad are instigators who antagonize me to the point where I want to explode. I learned over the years to suck up the pride and agree to them just to shut who ever I am mad at up. I know that isn't the healthiest decision either to make but it is better than a screaming match all day.


I think my ways of ignoring people over the phone is somewhat healthy. I just simply ignore them and I don't get mad at all. That seems healthy because I am not flipping out or causing my blood pressure to go through the roof. So, I believe that is the healthiest way I have ever handled and can handle being mad at someone.

 

[Mustang Sally]

Much of this concerns whether you're in the presence of the person you're angry at when the crisis hits. If you are, the explosion often comes even if you realize you'd be better off holding it inside until later. Look out below!

If my anger involves a co-worker on the job, I try my best to wait until time has given a little perspective to whatever I think is wrong. Even if they're in front of me when it happens, I try to walk away if it's something I feel might blow wide open by saying the wrong thing. Sometimes, it can't be avoided, and I've usually been pretty good at measuring my words as I'm speaking. Not always.

At home with my one and only, I'm happy to say we both have one good quality when we get mad: the ability to argue about the subject at hand.....without having to say all sorts of stupid, unnecessary, hurtful things to try and "win" the argument. People often do that (especially on this forum, I notice) and I say that no one truly "wins" an argument between two people that care about each other. You may beat the other person down verbally, but if you think that's "winning," you've got more problems than just anger.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I basically shut down. I either stop what I am doing and sulk or put up blinders and just focus on one thing and ignore the person I am angry at.

If I do acknowledge the person I am angry at, I usually reserve my conversation to short answers like, "fine", "ok" and "no, nothing's wrong".

It's unhealthy and doesn't accomplish much but I tend to forget why I am angry pretty quickly and life returns to normal. Until I get angry over the same thing again and not share my feelings.

I AM BASICALLY A GIANT TEENAGER who doesn't have the ability to go hide in his room.

 

[¡Roján!]

It's funny you bring this up, LSN, seeing as I was having a problem letting my best friend know I was mad at her just this week. It must be that mentor-mentee connection, huh? Anyway, I was rather miffed with her, as she was crying all day and wouldn't tell me why. I couldn't be bother with the rather underwhelming, melodramatic, teenage bullshit so, I got pissed off at her for making it into something bigger than what it actually was. (Her friend had broke her leg and couldn't go to her birthday party. Yes, I know.)

I totally blew her off for the rest off the day, staring at her with a face of disgust, taking the piss out of her in class, and answering her questions with short, concise answer. ''How are you?'' ''Fine.'' ''I got a 87% in Math.'' ''K.'' Basically, I turned into the mopy, melodramatic teenager I despised. Still though, she never got. The day after she gave me a massive hug and yet still, even after me telling her to piss off she still never got it. It went on for days until finally, I went on facebook and told her ''Look, I'm annoyed, bitch.'' It took sometime, but we sorted things out and each told each other what we hate most about each other and now, we're better friends than ever. I love her to bits, and we talk every day and all the stupid things just seem to have gone away. I think we just needed a break from each other, and it did us so well.

Anyway, back to the original questions:

How do you let people know you're angry with them?

By flat out being a bastard. I don't talk to them, and I make them look like shit in front of everyone and I act totally unapproachable.

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one?

It's probably not. I think I may change the way I do things, now. I may just retire ''the petty teenager'' and just talk about it, like what I did this week. It sorted everything out. Look, at me, growing up. Pft, I'll have to go make myself a chocolate milk and drink it with a funny straw to get back to reality.

 

[hatehabsforever]

To be honest, I very rarely get angry. Anger is an unhealthy and unproductive emotion, and as such, I rarely allow myself to get particularly angry. Irritated, sure. Annoyed, definitely. But angry, it's actually pretty rare. I've got little going on in my life that makes me angry, something I feel very fortunate about.

If I'm feeling angry at someone, I generally avoid them and keep to myself and allow the situation to defuse. Because if sufficiently confronted by the person making me angry, it only runs the risk of escalation, and no good can come from that. I generally let things largely blow over, and once things have settled down, we talk it out and generally that's the end of that.

Is that a healthy approach? I think it is, and it has served me well over the years. Because there have been people and issues who have caused me to be angry in the last, and I think my approach has caused such situations to be kept largely in check.

Would this work if someone made me really angry, it's hard to say. As I said above, I'm generally able to keep things of this nature in check, so it's never really been put to the test.

 

[Dagger Dias]

I generally just let things slide at first when someone angers me. I try to avoid confrontation until issues reach a point where it is necessary to confront the individual(s). I ignore things that anger me as best I can and sweep them under the rug. Granted, bigger issues will come back to haunt you until you finally deal with them, but why fight with family members or friends over something dumb that doesn't even matter in the long run.

Then you have the larger issues that cannot simply be ignored. These problems do not go away until dealt with and I do eventually confront the other person or people involved about it. I prefer to do things in private and away from others. I will generally ask them if I can speak in private if there is a group of others around. Usually I try to maintain tranquility, so it's rare for me to ever blow up and unload frustrations by yelling. It's happened before, but only at times when I was so angry that I didn't care who else was in the room. Out of politeness I will almost always make sure we are by ourselves since it is not anyone else's business. I'd say it is a decent way of letting others know I am angry with them. I try to be nice about it too.

 

[LilacFray]

How do you let people know you're angry with them?

The way my temper works is a little strange. I guess it's just me being myself at home because outside, I'm this composed and tolerant person. I for some annoying reason, get upset at the slightest comment my father makes. (Mother rarely makes me mad.) I hate it but I always end up having one of my short outbursts. I don't say a word but instead I begin to shake violently and end up crying. When it comes to my siblings, I completely ignore them and just reply them with one word answers. The message is clear - You've pissed me off, now leave me alone. Good thing is none of this last long.

Outside of my family, it's the opposite of who I am at home when angered. I'm always patient and don't react to petty issues. But if something's really bothering me, I straight out ask the person what's wrong or tell the person what's bothering me and solve what ever is wrong.

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one?
The way it goes at home is certainly not healthy, but I try... Other than that, I guess the way I handle my temper's alright.

 

[SorgFamily]

I generally just let things slide at first when someone angers me. I try to avoid confrontation until issues reach a point where it is necessary to confront the individual(s).

This is what I do as well. Very unhealthy in my experiences as I get angry at miniscule things when I'm alone rather than just talk to the person I'm actually mad at. It does take a lot for me to get angry in the first place though. Maybe not to get angry but to say something or even show it in the first place. I tend to just walk away if it starts to get to be too much. After 5 minutes alone I'm usually over it as when I do get mad it doesn't last long. I do hate the release of my anger though because then the other person wants to talk about it and I just want to get back to whatever kind of relationship we had.

Why talk about it when you can just let it happen repeatedly over many many years until you develop an aneurysm causing serious-fatal problems?

 

[ABMorales787]

I don't get angry. I get pissed off. Anything gets on my nerves. When I'm like that, I tend to get a warning at work. Mostly for lashing out at someone. Frustration can pile on me with ease. I'm pretty sure it can't be safe. At least not for other people.

 

[Fizzy]

How do you let people know you're angry with them?

I never really get angry. I'm a fairly easy going guy and little shit that would make most people mad, I just tend to brush off. Thing with me is, i'm very easy going, but I get jealous or disappointed very easily. The smallest thing will make me jealous and cause me to be in a bad mood for a majority of the day. When this happens I usually just ignore the person who has caused these feelings, or try harder to make them happy. Now, on the rare occasion that I do get angry, I flip out. Usually, it takes something huge to make me angry, but when it happens I tend to throw things, flip chairs, and punch things. I don't want you guys to misinterpret this though. When I say it takes something huge to get me angry, I mean something like a death in the family, or a divorce or something. That is the only time i'll actually get angry. I really just tend to get annoyed.

 

[SomeAreSet]

How do you let people know you're angry with them?

It's very easy to tell when I'm angry. I raise my voice,I swear at the person I'm angry at,I'll get in their face,but if it's someone I can't physically harm,I'll just go crazy and destroy things (inexpensive or worthless things,I should clarify. Things that nobody cares about,like remote controls,etc.) and flip over chairs and tables and things. I'm a complete nutjob when I'm angry.

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one?

Well,the yelling and swearing at other people isn't harmful in the least,so that's okay IMO,although that may hurt the other person's feelings,which I really don't care about because they would have had to do something really shitty to piss me off,so they completely deserve getting yelled and sworn at. But I am worried that one day I'll hurt someone really badly or do something I'll regret when the red mist sets in. Sad to say,I have extremely violent thoughts in my head when I'm angry at somebody,and sometimes I'm not really sure if I have enough self-control to stop myself. Being angry isn't a good defence in court. My dad used to say "Think about it,is it worth going to jail?" and I do think about it,but sometimes I'm just so blinded by rage that I'm like "Yeah,it's worth going to jail for paralysing this piece of shit." Plus,sometimes getting angry gets me in trouble. For example,once I was playing football with a bunch of people in the neighbourhood and this asshole was bullying the kids and being a massive bitch,so I got angry and started yelling and swearing at him,and was about to fight him when he left. I later found out that he ran away to tell on me with some gang members he was friendly with. Luckily my cousin was friends with one of them,so we talked it out and I didn't get beaten up or whatever they would have done. Needless to say,I met him again while playing football and he's this docile,quiet little twerp now,though I could have gotten hurt because I lost my temper once. So I always try to keep my head down when I'm out in places like bars or clubs or out at night because it's not worth getting jumped or stabbed because I couldn't shrug something off.

 

[gurvinder372]

I rarely had the privilege to let co-workers at my workplace know how pissed off i am on them, especially my bosses. When i get into a confrontation, I try to hide my anger without being dishonest, but in the process I end up being unable to speak anything, which really get on to my nerves sometimes. I don't like loosing control of myself in front of others, especially my coworkers at workplace and after being on the loosing (and receiving) end for so long, only way to deal with the situation I could think of was to not argue much.

I have realized now that unless you are prepared, some people are good (and skillful) enough to take you on and every verbal or mental battle you loose will only help their confidence to take you on again. Now I rarely argue with my seniors at work, while making them aware of my displeasure of their decisions. It has also helped my confidence now.

As far as my personal life is concerned, I am as spontaneous as I can. I don't get much angry though.

 

[Fugazi]

How do you let people know you're angry with them?
I usually just tell them. I say "hey man, you're being a prick." I don't get legitimately mad at anything really but when someone stops being classy and tries to go out of their way to be an ass I'll just simply let them know. People acting like that doesn't really bother me but I feel like it's my duty to let them know. I have incredibly high tolerance when it comes to people acting like idiots. The only times I can ever recall getting legit mad is the few times I've seen people be rude to my sister. And in those cases I tell them to shut their mouth unless they want my fist in it.

Do you think your way of doing so is a healthy one?
Yes. I believe so. Like i said i hardly ever get legit mad but I have a good idea about the atmosphere I like to think so when I notice things are getting bad I can calmly and respectfully tell someone to chill out to prevent something bad. And it usually works but theres a few times it hasn't. I don't like to fight simply because I feel humans are above it but I know that fighting is necessary in this world because there are people who want to ruin peoples days by sinking lower than low.