Interesting!
Edition 1
The first sign of life on JCW is a video on the screen. It is a man, probably in his late 70's, walking down the street. He's slowly making his way with the assistance of a walker, all alone, cars zooming by, people giving him dirty looks, kids laughing. He reaches a corner and turns, shakily. He lifts his head to look forward... and BAM! Out of nowhere comes Y 2 Jake, who spears the old man, throwing him high into the air. Y 2 Jake looks directly at the camera, and speaks to all the fans, "Fuck the weak. This is JCW."
We go into a fast video montage of all the JCW Superstars, posing and fighting. We see TheOneBigWill get thrown off a 7 story balcony, we see Luther get run over by an 18-Wheeler, we see Lee get stampeded by a herd of kangaroos, we see RVDGurl driving an ATV through the crowd. It all fades out and all that remains are the words JCW.
Suddenly, we cut to the JCWorld, the home of JCW, and we see the signature 5 sided ring. Like a pentagon. There is a lone figure in the ring, General Manager Jericho-aholic, who raises the mic to it's lips and kicks off JCW.
Jericho-aholic said:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Klunderbunkers of all ages. Welcome to the show that will prove to be unmatched, unchallenged, unbeaten, and unexciting! Except not the last thing I said. Moving on. Tonight we will see action that the other shows just can't bring. All the other so called "promotions"-
The crowd boos loudly.
Jericho-aholic said:
Exactly. They don't cut it. They don't have what we have. We have no mercy, no forgiveness, no holding back. We are the Cobra Kai- errrrr... we are JCW! Ladies and gentleman, it is time.
The GM throws the mic on the ground and we go to the announcer's table, where we see Admin and tonight's special guest, Eminem! This should be mild!
Admin said:
This is it! The excitements in the air! The biggest event of the year is about to begin! We welcome you to the show! What do you have to say, Slim?
Eminem said:
Yo what up Admin
Feels good to be here.
I'm pumped for the show,
And all the free beer.
Admin said:
Are you going to do that the whole show? It's already fucking annoying.
Eminem said:
I do what a want
So don't you diss.
Or I'll come to your house
And kill your kids.
Admin said:
Fuck. Well, let's go to the first match of the night!
Kermit the Frog said:
This match is a "Samurai Sword on a Bar Stool Match" set for ONE KILL!
Some random Chinese Music trickles on the loudspeaker as 48.7 walks out onto the platform. He raises his hand to the crowd, who boo loudly.
Kermit the Frog said:
Ladies and Gentleman, from China for some odd reason, 48.7!
48.7 reaches the ring and smiles at the crowd who boo loudly. It would certainly seem as if this guy is a heel.
But people quickly forget about their dislike for 48.7, because some new music blasts on the loudspeaker. It's The Monster Mash! And we know what this means... TM IS HERE!
Kermit said:
Ladies and Gentleman, from mutherfucking Canada, TM!
The crowd is cheering wildly, since they somehow know who the heels and faces are on the first show, as 48.7 has hate in his eyes. We all know that these two men have a long and mostly uninteresting story that we won't mention here for lack of giving a shit. Anyway, TM slides in the ring, pops up, and this match is ready to begin.
Samurai Sword on a Bar Stool-48.7 vs. TM
Considering the Bar Stool is just sitting in the middle of the ring, it's only natural that they would both dive for it at once. They ram heads in the middle of the ring and fall to the ground, but TM is quickly on his feet. He goes for the sword, but 48.7 pulls the bar stool, and the sword slips away from TM's outstretched hands. Unfortunately, the sword falls straight to the ground and impales through 48.7's arm and into the ring, pinning him to the mat. He screams in pain as TM looks at him, remorse in his eyes. Could TM really be considering helping his opponent? He is! TM walks over and grabs the sword, pulls it out and tosses it aside. The fans don't know what to think as TM lifts up 48.7 and holds his hand high in the air! This is a proud day! But oh, shit! 48.7 has the bar stool in his hands! He's brought it down over TM's head! What a betrayal! TM is out, folks. Now 48.7 has the sword, and he walks over to make the finish. He raises it high, and slams it down, but NO! KIP UP! The sword stabs into the ring, and 48.7 looks dumbstruck for a moment, but not a long one. Because TM turns and does a Triple Uber Phalange Spin Kick, right to his face! 48.7 falls, his ribs slamming into the sword's handle, and TM picks him up and prepares for his special-The O Canadrop! He picks him up in one hand, high over his head, and spins him repeatedly 'til he feels sick! TM throws him in the air, and 48.7 falls, and he is pinned.
Winner-TM
The crowd goes nuts as paramedics rush to check on 48.7. But wait? Is this a twist? In JCW? Is that paramedic attacking TM?
No, he's not. And we move on to the next segment.
Admin said:
Folks, we are being told that Mighty NorCal has something to say right now.
Promo-Mighty NorCal
NorCal stands in the ring, never smiling, while looking at the crowd. He is a huge man, over 9 ft tall and about 400 pounds of pure muscle. Of course, we here at JCW exaggerate a lot. He's only about 6 feet, 9 inches. The crowd must have missed the memo, because they have no fucking clue if this guy is a heel or a face.
Mighty NorCal said:
The crowd boos.
Mighty NorCal said:
Thanks. Now, as you all know, tonight is the first ever match to decide the JCW Champion.
The crowd didn't know that. It was supposed to be a surprise for later.
Mighty NorCal said:
Fuck. Ok, well, tonight there is a 15 Man Various Articles of Clothing Match. The match will be filled with not only men, but also clothing in which to hurt the other men. I can tell you three of the contestants right now. C.M., Y 2 Jake, 12 people who's names won't even be mentioned, and of course, ME!
The crowd booooooooos.
Mighty NorCal said:
Thank you, thank you. I guarantee I will.
The crowd waits for more, AKA the reason this promo even happened.
Mighty NorCal said:
He gets out of the ring and leaves.
Admin said:
Well, that was just a tiny bit pointless. It would almost seem like the writer of this show made that promo without having a purpose in mind. Interesting.
Eminem said:
Yes my homey
That was balogne
I'm the lead singer of d12 baby.
Admin said:
Why in the fuck are you even a commentator? Oh well. Ok, up next is a match we've all been looking forward to.. somehow..... alright, well it won't be very good. Dammit, why is JCW such a failure? Well, this match will be a Got Your Hat Match, set for one hat.
HBK's theme comes on the speaker, as the first ever JCW Hot Chick makes her way to the ring! It's HBK-aholic, and she looks ready for action!
Kermit the Frog said:
The following match is the first match of the Hot Chicks Tournament, and it is a Got Your Hat Match! The rules are simple. You are forced to wear a hat, which your opponent must work to steal! Out first, from somewhere in England, HBK-Aholic!
There is a mild pop at the name, since nobody really cares and the people are mostly standing in the huge line for the bathroom.
"Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls blasts as Jaz makes her way to the ring, accompanied by friend Eternal Dragon!
Kermit the Frog said:
From The Bottomless Pit, Jaz! Who is a heel!
The crowd boos as they find out that she's a heel. It's the first show, we have to tell them.
Jaz vs. HBK-aholic-Got Your Hat Match
Hot Chicks Tournament-Round 1
The bell rings and this match is underway! HBK-aholic is wearing a cowboy hat, which might just be to cover up her balding. Jaz is wearing a hat with a jar of jam on it. It's very Jammy. Jaz dives on HBK-aholic, knocking her to the ground. Jaz lands a few blows to HBK-aholic's face before getting tossed off, to a large pop from the crowd. HBK-aholic runs to the turnbuckle and climbs up, preparing for some sort of diving move. Too bad for her she's a really crappy climber and she falls headfirst outside of the ring, hitting her head. How the hell did her hat not fall off? We never find out because suddenly Eternal Dragon runs up and kicks her! DQ! DQ! Just kidding, this is a no-DQ match. Dragon grabs a garbage can and repeatedly slams it over HBK-aholic's lifeless body. Jaz is standing in the ring, don't worry I didn't forget about her. Anyways, Dragon throws HBK-aholic back in the ring, where Jaz walks over and pulls off her hat. K'burn, this match is over! Jaz is moving on to round two of this two round tournament!
Winner-Jaz
Dragon celebrates with her friend as we fade to commercial.
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We return, thank God, to see Ricky standing in the ring. He's a heel, so the crowd is booing.
Ricky said:
Shut the fuck up! All of you!
The boos only increase.
Ricky said:
Fine. I'll just pretend you're not here. LALALALALA
Unfortunately, the crowd is beat. They quiet down.
Ricky said:
That's what I thought. So anyway, the GM told me that I had a tag match tonight. My first reaction was that our tag division sucks. We only have two teams, plus me I guess. But then she told me that there is a third team, and I'm just one of the members. Now, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, Jericho-aholic, but you need to send my tag partner out RIGHT NOW!
Jericho-aholic said:
The Star Spangled Banner comes on the speaker, and an image of Uncle Sam appears on the titantron. If you couldn't figure it out it's Uncle Sam. He gets a HUGE pop from the White, Male and American crowd. He gets in the ring and receives a mic.
Uncle Sam said:
First off, zip your lips before I zip them for ya!
The crowd rofls.
Uncle Sam said:
Now, instead of us having a back and forth conversation that would be really annoying because of all the quote tags Jericho-aholic has to put in, let's just clear the air right now. I'm your tag partner, and I'm the one who you are tag partnering with! So lick it!
Ricky said:
Zomg. I cannot believe the God's have forsaken me this way. Damn you GM. I have half a mind to come back and- Ok, fuck this promo. Let's just have a match.
Ricky and Uncle Sam vs. Two Jobbers-Squash Match
Uncle Sam and Ricky win.
Winner-Uncle Sam and Ricky
Eminem said:
Sup my man
That was tight.
They beat those bitches ass
Like it was 'ight.
Admin said:
Indeed you unbearable idiot. Well, we're now going to have our main event. That's right, that was the whole show. Got a problem? No. I didn't think so. It was only the first one. They get better. I have ideas. Not really, I make it up as I go and it gets really boring. Oh well. Ok, so ya. Main Event. It's a 15 Man Clothing Match for the JCW Championship! The ring is being filled with clothing as we speak!
Indeed it is. We see underwear, sweaters, bras, shoes, socks, hats, gloves, belts, bathing suits, shorts, t-shirts, collared shirts, leather jackets, toe socks, knee socks, mittens, knee pads, leather pants, jeans, wind pants, wind jackets, waffle shirts, short-shorts, thongs, rubber gloves, skin suits, wet suits, and many more. The ring is pretty much filled. It's so ridiculous, folks!
Jericho's theme comes on the speaker as Y 2 Jake comes out! This is the biggest pop in the history of any wrestling thing ever! The stadium is rocking! Everybody is screaming at the top of their lungs! Jake smiles, gets in the ring, and gazes around menacingly.
"Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by The Beatles comes on as C.M. makes his way out! He's a face, and the pop from the crowd reflects this. He looks proud and smiles at the crowd, slapping high fives as if he's cool.
Mark Henry's theme comes on as Mighty NorCal enters the arena! He makes his way to the ring to boos from the crowd who remember from earlier that he is a heel. He looks confident, but don't worry, he
12 guys walk to the ring. If you want to know who they are, go to members list and select 12 random guys with 0 posts. That's them alright.
Kermit is dead and therefore doesn't announce the match.
15 Man Clothes Match
JCW Championship
The twelve jobbers are quickly eliminated, which brings up the point "Why the hell wasn't it just a triple threat?" We may never know. It doesn't matter though, because we're underway with the real action! C.M. is holding a pair of pants over Jake's head, who's whipping NorCal with the belt, who's flinging thongs at C.M. Pretty much it would be hot if they were a bunch of naked chicks. Actually, anything would be hot if they were a bunch of naked chicks. Either way, this is boring as shit. So the officials chuck a leaf blower into the ring! NorCal gets there first, but C.M. throws a glove into it and it gets absorbed for some odd reason. The leaf blower blows up, and the moment of truth comes as we realize we have no clue how somebody is eliminated from this match. It appears to be pinning, as C.M. is now pinning NorCal! 1-2-3! It's just Jake and C.M. left! Jake grabs the jeans and tries to get the zipper into C.M.'s left pupil. He fails, as C.M. hits him with the shoe. As Jake falls he throws a rubber glove, which goes into C.M.'s throat, suffocating him. Of course, JCW doesn't know much about anatomy as C.M. is somehow still alive! Either way, he grabs a knife, which was in the pocket of the leather jacket! He's going to stab Jake! But no! A person with a mask is here! A masked man! How original! But oh shit, the mask fell off. It's Jericho-aholic! She rams a tuba over C.M.'s head and blows into the mouthpiece, rupturing C.M.'s hearing and knocking him out. Jake crawls over and gets the pin, and he's the JCW Champion!
Winner and NEW JCW Champion-Y 2 Jake
Jake stands up with assistance from the GM, who then grabs Jake and kisses him! OMG! This is scandalous! It would certainly seem as if Jericho-aholic and Jake's relationship is slightly more than the regular employer-employee relationship! We have a new power couple, and as Jake is handed the title a new question arises.
Why were the other titles never mentioned?
Oh well, fade to black.
Quick Results
48.7 vs. TM.
Winner-TM
Jaz vs. HBK-aholic
Winner-Jaz
Uncle Ricky vs. Two Local Jobbers
Winner-Uncle Ricky
15 Man Battle Royale
Winner and NEW JCW Champion-Y 2 Jake
Side note-This was a one hour episode, and we had more than ECW. So don't complain about length. Please leave comments and shit. KTHXBAI.
