Not experienced and over weight, should I bother to try and date?

[Boring]

My weight has fluctuated. In college I lost weight and had intimate times with girls, but afterwards, I gained a lot of weight and got hermit like to the point talking to girls became impossible. Then when I finally lost weight, I got more open but mentally and age wise, it wasn't the same and I wasn't in college.

For the past few years I've figured I'll lose weight and when I'm a normal sized person, I'll date. Girls aren't interested in huge guys, nevermind really big guys, but if your normal sized, all those guys seem to get girls.

I know there are exceptions, but those are skinny guys who gained weight or big guys who are just assholes and don't give a shit. I give a shit, always have, always will. If a girl likes me for being a fat slob and an asshole, we won't bond.

The past 2 years I've lost a ton of weight, gained back some, lost that and more, and now gained back alot. I'm practically 30 now with no prospects for gfs. Also when I lose weight and don't find it easy to meet a girl, it makes it that much more difficult when I gain 20-30 pds, knowing how much more unfit and horrible I look.

So I want to know for real, while I'm obese/overweight, should I even try to meet girls or should I wait until all the weight is finally gone? I don't live in the south or some weird place where hot girls or somewhat attractive's date juggalloos or guys from new jersey. I'm non-aggressive, kind guy looking for the same. No tricks! I don't want to manipulate a girl or find the wrong girl, I want a best friend. She doesn't have to be what society considers attractive, but I find that there are quirks about non-attractive girls where they're way beyond a level I'm on. I'm just looking for a kind girl, but whose funny and I can relate with. I've had people tell me "fat girls are kind and funny" but I haven't experienced it. And it's not just girls with a little weight on them, whether they're heavier, goth, feminist, opinionated etc, they weren't people I wanted to be around. If you don't mind telling someone you just met that they're wrong, or that they fucked up, or they're stupid, or they need to train you or they'll fix you - it's a big turn off. If you disagree with everything I say, I don't need to be fixed, we just aren't ment for each other. I'm not even talking about debateable topics either.

I don't know if it's because to any kind of woman, a fat guy is easy pickens, but they seem to treat us like we don't mean shit, especially me because I won't "tell them off." You hear a lot about feminism and women's rights and white men are evil etc, you interview any "kind" overweight guy and see how he sees the world. I'd bet we'd agree with everyone else's injustice and everyone else whose objectified would crucify us, but maybe I'm wrong.

Men aren't keen on fat guys and have prejudice about them, (fat guy in group always has fat nickname,) and women, persecuted minorities consider them lazy, not masculine, a joke etc.

I went off, my bad. I asked if I should even try dating as a non-pushy, kind "big guy," but I figure I already know I'm too far gone that nothing will change until I change. Open to advice though.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Do you over-qualify the shit out of everything when talking to girls too?


Bottom line, if you gotta ask, you aren't there. No one, especially a girl, wants to be with someone with no spine or self confidence. So get over the doubts. Either accept what you are, and run with it, or make changes, and find confidence within that.


There is nothing wrong with telling a woman she is wrong or acting like a fucking idiot, if that is what she is.

 

[Boring]

Bottom line, if you gotta ask, you aren't there.

Yeah, this is it in a nutshell and if you ask me, I'll never be ready.
Well, unless I get a nice small or tight physique.

I just feel like, being who I am, if I showed confidence with a woman, it'd be a joke - scam. It's like I always know something is wrong and if I do like her, I don't want to drag her down with me. Like "you deserve more, what are you even doing her."

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Giving a woman what she deserves has nothing to do with having a small or tight physique.

Well, that's the key. Get some fucking confidence. If you tie it directly into your physical appearance, you will NEVER feel good or like its enough.

All that little slimy shit you typed in the last two sentances? That's the opposite of what is attractive to anyone.

Be confident in what you are, and if you cant, then make changes, and be confident in the fact you are making them. If you don't feel good about yourself, no one else will either.

 

[ABMorales787]

We really should push more for that "Life Advice & Counseling" section.

Just count yourself lucky you don't live in Orange County. I'm constantly bitched at about "needing to diet" and how my diet is "unhealthy". Let's just ignore my credits in Nutritional Science, average build and overworked lifestyle while you babble about the shit you learned from some commercial selling you bullshit "nutritional" products and fucking P90X videos.

Jesus Christ, I went on a rant.

 

[CyberPunk]

As Norcal said, it's about confidence. If you are not confident in your skin, than make changes. If you're okay with how you look, then it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks of you. Your confidence shouldn't lie in your appearance, but if it does, then do what is required to get in the shape you feel confident in. And if someone doesn't like you because how you look, it's their problem, not yours.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

We really should push more for that "Life Advice & Counseling" section.

Just count yourself lucky you don't live in Orange County. I'm constantly bitched at about "needing to diet" and how my diet is "unhealthy". Let's just ignore my credits in Nutritional Science, average build and overworked lifestyle while you babble about the shit you learned from some commercial selling you bullshit "nutritional" products and fucking P90X videos.

Jesus Christ, I went on a rant.

Also you live inside a Taco Bell right? Right?

 

[George Steele's Barber]

For the weight eat organic, not because it is healthier but because it is so expensive you will only have so much money for calories.

Join a leftist organization to meet women (PETA etc.)

Cocaine will help you with both your weight and women issues. If you can become a dealer it would help a ton.

Otherwise, not that I know if this thread is serious or not but what NorCal said. It is basic Oprah bullshit but it is true. Probably more for men than woman. I also wonder if you have a neurological or other type medical issue. Are you on any meds?

Oh, and wear some obscure Livestrong-type bracelet. I take it that you struggle with initiating conversation. The stupid bracelet gives the woman a chance to talk to you and think you may be a decent human being.

But cocaine works better.

 

[Alex]

I found the rhyming in the thread title cool.

As to the actual question confidence is key. Basically follow Norcal's advice and you'll be fine.

 

[ABMorales787]

Also you live inside a Taco Bell right? Right?

They pay the bills.

 

[Thriller Ant]

They pay the bills.

Living the gimmick, brother

 

[JohnJohnson]

I used to have a great physique. I practically lived in the gym while I was away in military training for 7 months. When I returned, I continued my diet and exercise routines and took up martial arts. It was easy to talk to girls and I was highly sought after during that time.

Eventually, alcoholism began to takeover my life and I started gaining weight. I didn't work out nearly as often and began to eat like crap. I wasn't happy with my personal appearance, but I never let it stop me from trying. At the end of the day, I was still the same John Johnson as I was before, just not as pretty. I've come to find that all that matters is being confident and comfortable with myself. Even if I didn't personally like my appearance, I had to maintain my confidence. It is sometimes more difficult, especially with the more shallow women, but if you are seeking a girl friend, I'd imagine that is something you would want to avoid anyways. I have put on more weight throughout the years, fluctuate often, but still find success when I just maintain confidence and keep being myself. I actually met my ex girl friend when I was at my peak physique, but she had no interest in me then. I really wanted to get with her, and despite having gained 30lbs, I continued my pursuit and eventually achieved my goal. She didn't show any interest in me until after I had gotten fat, but it was because of my personality and charisma.

Here at work, I have a guy who is the opposite. He has a great physique. He has almost no body fat, is ripped, rock hard six pack, etc. He is only 22 years old, but makes good money, enough to have bought a $30,000 truck, anything he wants on a whim, and still put aside $1,000 per month in savings. He is very smart, funny, ridiculously polite and is set up for a bright future. However, for some reason, he has problems talking to girls. he has no confidence. He is constantly asking us for advice, and even when it is given, he often doesn't apply it. He could easily get a girl friend, if he was more confident and would stop being afraid to speak to them. He always says he is too scared of being rejected.

So to answer your question, bust your ass to get into the shape that you want to be, but don't let any of that stop you from dating. If you try and fail, then try again and again. The only thing you have to lose is time. You keep waiting for that day when you lose a bunch of weight, but what if it never happens? Or what if you are in your 40s when it does? So yes, by all means try to date. Just be confident, be yourself. Keep on working on dieting and exercising, but let the weight loss be a bonus.

Also, you should try Tinder or one of the dating sites. Just use very honest profile pictures. If you go on Tinder, post pictures of yourself that give a clear indication of your actual appearance and then give an honest description of who you are in your bio. With Tinder, you are shown a profile and you either swipe right if you are interested and left if you aren't. If someone who you have been interested in happens upon your profile in the shuffle and also swipes right, then you become a "match" and can then message each other. I recommend just constantly getting on there and swiping right for every single one without even looking at the profile. That way you increase your odds, and basically anytime you get a match, it means that some woman saw your profile and was interested in YOU.

 

[ABMorales787]

Dating sites. Gotta love how amazing those personalities are. "Im a foodie". Oh, you like food? So do 7 billion other people.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Dating sites. Gotta love how amazing those personalities are. "Im a foodie". Oh, you like food? So do 7 billion other people.

"lol i like all music lol random haha!"

 

[JohnJohnson]

"I love being outside." You mean, like the homeless?

 

[GI Cake]

Find a girl you're interested in and pee on them. Establish dominance.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

A big part of my success too, isn't really supreme confidence (which I have as well, but it doesn't factor, really) is indifference.


What do you mean "you can't talk to women"....What is a woman? An animal? A force of nature?


Its just another fucking person. Who gives a shit? If they end up not liking you, well, fuck, lots of people probably don't like you. LOTS AND FUCKING LOTS of people don't like me. So what?

It causes you no harm. Nothing to be scared of.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

A big part of my success too, isn't really supreme confidence (which I have as well, but it doesn't factor, really) is indifference.


What do you mean "you can't talk to women"....What is a woman? An animal? A force of nature?


Its just another fucking person. Who gives a shit? If they end up not liking you, well, fuck, lots of people probably don't like you. LOTS AND FUCKING LOTS of people don't like me. So what?

It causes you no harm. Nothing to be scared of.

I think Boring needs to learn to walk before he travels at hyper speed.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Also, you should try Tinder or one of the dating sites.

Eh, people lie on those things. Plus.... even if you met someone really hot on a dating site and did plenty of speaking on its internal messaging system, then move on to text messaging or even calling her, you still have to go on the actual in-person date, which often end being up pretty akward. Those sites don't help much for confidence in the long run.

Anyway.... As cliche' as it may be, you're most likely to find someone if you don't look. Focus on school/work, your own future, your own hobbies and interests. Get involved in something. Spend time with friends. You just might meet someone great along the way, and you'll be too busy being focused on what YOU like or what YOU want to do with YOUR life to be freaking about what she may think of you. You'll have that much better of an outlook on life if/when you do meet someone if you follow this suggestion. Girls won't want someone who whines about how he thinks they won't like him. If you don't like you, why should she? Confidence will come from when you find something about you that you like. Are you nice? Funny? Smart? Find your strong points about yourself that you like, be confident in those, you'll notice your luck beginning to change. While this may be incredibly difficult to someone who is struggling with confidence.... when the time comes that you meet someone who likes you for who you are and you enjoy spending time with them, you'll be alright. It'll just happen. You don't need "fixing" if you simply be yourself and don't worry about finding someone. Last but not least, DO NOT RUSH into a relationship if you do meet someone you like. The last thing you want is an unhealthy relationship and staying with said person out of insecurity about trying to date others. Just relax. It'll happen when it's meant to. (I know, cliche', but true)

Hope this helps.

 

[Miko]

Most of lifes problems come from thinking. Stop fucking doing it.

 

[Tastycles]

Long time readers of the bar room will know that my love life is like a Dali painting, but my advice would be this:-

You need confidence, it may be that losing weight will get you that, it may be that being comfortable in your skin will do that.

Overthinking certainly won't, that's for sure.

 

[Lee]

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

There was a guy on a dating show on British TV last week that started his date off with the joke "What does a man with an eight inch cock have for breakfast? Well this morning I had a boiled egg and toast" before doing his own recreation of the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. He then had several more dates with the woman.

Bottom line - you can never be sure what will work with some ladies so it's best to be yourself. And what Tastycles said.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

There was a guy on a dating show on British TV last week that started his date off with the joke "What does a man with an eight inch cock have for breakfast? Well this morning I had a boiled egg and toast" before doing his own recreation of the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. He then had several more dates with the woman.

Bottom line - you can never be sure what will work with some ladies so it's best to be yourself. And what Tastycles said.

And here I thought the Brits measured their cocks using the metric system.

 

[Барбоса]

As someone who the thread question applies to on both counts, my answer would be "only if you give much of a shit."

I definitely lack confidence with regard to the opposite sex but really I do not really care all that much about the results of said lack of confidence or lack thereof. Somewhat paradoxical I suppose.