Remember drivers' ed? (If you're still too young for that, pay especial attention to this.) Perhaps you remember your teacher harping on about always coming to a complete stop at an intersection, no matter how safe it appeared upon approaching. You probably thought that the reason for this was for the added degree of safety when operating a motor vehicle.
Actually, it's because you could end up being forcibly sodomized by your local police department.
New Mexico man has a shit day
You can click on the link for the story, but my version is a far better telling. David Eckert finishes shopping at his local Wal-Mart, and leaves the parking lot without stopping completely at the stop sign. He's pulled over and asked to step out of his vehicle. When he does, the officers believe that he is clenching his buttcheeks in an attempt to hide contraband, and ask him to show them what he's hiding.
For those of you who have never been in this situation, when a police officer says "show me what you're hiding", the correct answer is never "I'm not hiding anything". A police officer interprets that as "spend the rest of the afternoon and evening searching everything of mine you can get access to, and please don't be gentle or avoid destroying my belongings."
Well then.
The police officers acquire a warrant for an anal cavity search, and take Eckert to the hospital. The doctors there inform the officers that they went to the wrong kind of hospital, and they've arrived at one that doesn't do forcible invasive procedures on patients without their consent. This is the very last thing that happens in a sane universe- after this, shit gets crazy.
The officers at this point now say "well, next hospital", and drive across county lines to another hospital, where the doctors say, "oh, you need us to forcibly penetrate an unwilling person? We're that kind of hospital!"
It starts with an X-ray, which comes up negative. Not surprising- X-rays aren't a tell-all, and sometimes small items can be obscured by, oh, bone or what have you. We can justify this.
Next, a doctor examines Eckert with his finger (the doctor's, not Eckert's.) Nothing.
So he tries a second time. Nothing. No shit.
So they figure, "let's give this guy an enema and flush the drugs out." Nothing except enema water.
So they give him a second enema.
And then a third.
Now, at this point, this poor guy must be feeling clean. In both the legal and physical senses. But, major lesson here, never tell a cop you're not hiding drugs, because they WILL search until they find them.
So, they forcibly anesthetize him, prep him for surgery, and give him a fucking colonoscopy. Because, you know, that baggie of cocaine could have traveled halfway into his large intestine. As I'm sure everyone here can guess- no drugs, only a sparkling clean rectum.
The police release the man, and the hospital sends him a bill for the procedures. Yes, of course he's suing. The only lesson I can draw from this is DON'T FUCKING GO TO NEW MEXICO.
Actually, it's because you could end up being forcibly sodomized by your local police department.
New Mexico man has a shit day
You can click on the link for the story, but my version is a far better telling. David Eckert finishes shopping at his local Wal-Mart, and leaves the parking lot without stopping completely at the stop sign. He's pulled over and asked to step out of his vehicle. When he does, the officers believe that he is clenching his buttcheeks in an attempt to hide contraband, and ask him to show them what he's hiding.
For those of you who have never been in this situation, when a police officer says "show me what you're hiding", the correct answer is never "I'm not hiding anything". A police officer interprets that as "spend the rest of the afternoon and evening searching everything of mine you can get access to, and please don't be gentle or avoid destroying my belongings."
Well then.
The police officers acquire a warrant for an anal cavity search, and take Eckert to the hospital. The doctors there inform the officers that they went to the wrong kind of hospital, and they've arrived at one that doesn't do forcible invasive procedures on patients without their consent. This is the very last thing that happens in a sane universe- after this, shit gets crazy.
The officers at this point now say "well, next hospital", and drive across county lines to another hospital, where the doctors say, "oh, you need us to forcibly penetrate an unwilling person? We're that kind of hospital!"
It starts with an X-ray, which comes up negative. Not surprising- X-rays aren't a tell-all, and sometimes small items can be obscured by, oh, bone or what have you. We can justify this.
Next, a doctor examines Eckert with his finger (the doctor's, not Eckert's.) Nothing.
So he tries a second time. Nothing. No shit.
So they figure, "let's give this guy an enema and flush the drugs out." Nothing except enema water.
So they give him a second enema.
And then a third.
Now, at this point, this poor guy must be feeling clean. In both the legal and physical senses. But, major lesson here, never tell a cop you're not hiding drugs, because they WILL search until they find them.
So, they forcibly anesthetize him, prep him for surgery, and give him a fucking colonoscopy. Because, you know, that baggie of cocaine could have traveled halfway into his large intestine. As I'm sure everyone here can guess- no drugs, only a sparkling clean rectum.
The police release the man, and the hospital sends him a bill for the procedures. Yes, of course he's suing. The only lesson I can draw from this is DON'T FUCKING GO TO NEW MEXICO.
