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Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 31, 2010
Location: University of Texas, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Ashton Kutcher
Our show opens with a fight going on in the middle of the ring. That works. It’s Edge beating up Bourne. After a brief comeback a spear ends it. Apparently Edge came out to say something and Bourne said he was tired of waiting. Edge says he’ll win at the PPV and here comes Orton. Edge runs his mouth about how Orton is hurt etc but an- RKO shuts him up. Nice opening with a different flavor to it.
Orton/Cena vs. Sheamus/Edge tonight.
We go to the host with Eve and he talks about Zach Ryder insulting him on Twitter. Apparently someone will get him later but he doesn’t say who. I bet on Khali. Miz comes up and talks to Kutcher and apparently we get Miz vs. Daniel Bryan tonight. Kutcher misses the Farm Hand. That’s what wrestling fans can do for you.
R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho
This works. I guess Jericho is helping elevate people. Who would have seen that coming? This is a pretty decent match actually which gets a good amount of time. It’s back and forth and all that jazz and Jericho takes over for a good bit. Lionsault of course misses but the Walls don’t. Truth hooks Jericho’s leg on the way over though into a small package for the win. Not bad. Jericho is STUNNED. The facials this guy has are great.
We recap Batista’s segment last week. It amazes me how many people on this show get TV time without being employed here allegedly.
We go to Ryder and Alicia in the back with Bret and he doesn’t care. Here’s the Hart Dynasty and we’re told they were the Usos. Bret signed them apparently and thinks the Harts need some adversity.
Eve Torres/Santino Marella vs. Maryse/William Regal
I had Ryder and Alicia typed out already. This is odd. Regal is still called King of the Ring of 2008. Ok then. Santino says Kozlov should join him and if he does Eve will sleep with him. Scratch that apparently. This has to be gender A vs. gender B. Regal hooks the Regal Stretch which will result in a fine for him I’m sure since it’s a modified STF. Kozlov runs in and chokeslams Regal to let Santino get the pin. Maryse and Kozlov leave together kind of.
We get a nice tribute to the troops that have been killed in war for Memorial Day. Those are always nice.
Bret comes out and says he has a surprise for next week. Apparently Smackdown and Raw are coming together for a three hour show. If the fans or wrestlers have any ideas, he wants to hear them. Ted DiBiase and Virgil come out and I wonder how many people are going to be incredibly confused when they see those names if they haven’t watched in awhile. He says he should be GM for the night next week and he’ll pay whatever it takes to do so.
I love seeing the reflection in the sunglasses. Ted Jr. isn’t as good as his father was. And I mean not even close. Kutcher pops up on the screen and says make it Viewer’s Choice like Cyber Sunday or Taboo Tuesday. That’s the deal apparently….and here’s VINCE! He gets on Bret for the 18 chair shots at Mania and the fans remind him that he tapped out. Vince says you have to treat the fans as children sometimes and Bret has to be ready for any reaction. He gives a cryptic warning and we’re done.
We go to Orton and Ryder with Ryder offering protection. Orton is leaning against a door which opens up and Edge slams it onto his arm. Nice one.
The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan
So this goes from a big PPV match to this. Ok then. This is rather short and is rather stiff. Miz gets caught in a SICK looking Crossface style move where his arm looks like it’s about to be shattered. Miz counters into a rollup and Bryan counters that into a pin. Post match Miz jumps him and takes him to the floor but is countered and Bryan throws Miz at Cole. Ok that was cool.
We recap the Usos’ attack from last week and now they’re in the ring. Oh I’m going to hate these guys. They talk about being a family as well and being from the Wild Samoans etc. It’s a lot longer than that. Here are the champions and it’s on. Well the family wars have begun. Hart Attack is blocked though and you would think David would realize it’s not coming and drop the damn guy. Double superkick and an elevated Samoan Drop sets up the triple splash. Good segment to get them over and introduce them though.
Orton is out of the main event apparently.
Zach Ryder and Alicia Fox come out and Kutcher says he has a surprise for Ryder. JERRY LAWLER sneaks into the ring with a chair. It’s not him. Here’s Khali. It’s not him either. Here’s Goldust. Not HIM either. Alicia is awesome and then she kicks Ryder in the head. Ok then. Her hips seriously have a mind of their own.
We have a This Week in WWE History as it’s about Sylvester Ritter, Junkyard Dog.
The cast of A-Team hosts next week.
Edge/Sheamus vs. John Cena/???
Cena comes out and says he could pick anyone since everyone hates Bourne and Edge. It’s Bourne. Oh dear. The LD EXPLODED over this but I love it. It fits the story for tonight and they’re throwing someone out there to see if it works. What’s wrong with that? Bourne gets beaten down in the ring while Cena steals the show on the apron. The guy just bleeds charisma and keeps things moving. Things like that keeps him ahead of everyone else.
Cena and Sheamus get the hot tags and the place is WHITE hot. FU is countered and Sheamus sets for the Pump Kick. Bourne kicks him in the head, tags brings in Bourne and a SICK Shooting Star Press ends it. The FU was more or less spinning him to the side so it was like an FU/F5 hybrid. The SSP was probably the best one I’ve ever seen too. GREAT ending to a GREAT Raw.
Results
R-Truth b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Santino Marella/Eve Torres b. William Regal/Maryse – Vladimir Kozlov chokeslamed Regal
Daniel Bryan b. The Miz – Rollup
John Cena/Evan Bourne b. Edge/Sheamus – Air Bourne to Sheamus
Tuesday
NXT
Date: June 1, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
We open with the five rookies eliminated on the front row. Ok then. Most of the pros are here. The finalists are here. There’s a triple threat up next and we also find out who the rookies and the pros are tonight.
First rookie is Husky Harris with Cody Rhodes. Ok then. He’s Mike Rotundo’s son if that helps.
Back from break and John Morrison is a pro. He talks about how his pro is really tall and named Eli Cottonwood. Ok then.
Justin Gabriel vs. Wade Barrett vs. David Otunga
We go elimination rules here. I like that. Jericho yells at the referees to talk about Barrett. Apparently popularity comes into play as the pros only have 50% of the vote. I like that. After not much of interest, the 450 hits Otunga but Barrett pulls him out and pins Otunga to get us to one on one. Well he does get credit for one win in this now I guess. This isn’t bad once we get down to one on one. Gabriel does what he can as Jericho is FREAKING over this. 450 gets knees and Barrett rolls him up for the pin.
MVP is a pro for season 2 and his rookie is from South Beach and is a party guy. Isn’t that what Darren Young was? His name is Percy Watson though, and he’s shall we say flamboyant.
After a lot of commercials, Zach Ryder is going to be a rookie on the next season with a pro named Titus O’Neil who looks like a bad ass and Michael Tarver with talent.
It’s time for the first Poll and we hear from the eliminated rookies. Tarver says he should win, Bryan says Barrett, Sheffield says he doesn’t care. Young says Barrett. Slater says Barrett.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Justin Gabriel
Gabriel says he’s tenacious and says he’ll be back. Matt Hardy says Gabriel will be back.
Michelle and Layla are both pros next season. I love these two and the rookie is Kaval.
Mark Henry is a pro. Oh dear. His guy is Lucky Cannon. What the hell?
We get a promo war. Otunga cannot talk. He simply cannot do it. Barrett rips him apart.
Kofi has Joe Hennig, but his name is Michael McGillicutty. Oh and of course we’re told he’s Curt’s son, which makes it make NO SENSE but whatever.
Back from the break and Miz is going to be a pro again with Alex Riley, who is a big deal in FCW if I remember correctly.
They say go to the poll and Regal congratulates the winner even though it hasn’t been announced yet. And now they pros are arguing over how Barrett has the talent to win no matter who his pro is. Oh I swear if they give this to Otunga….I don’t know what I’ll do. THANK GOODNESS Barrett wins it.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Justin Gabriel and David Otunga – Rollup on Gabriel
Justin Gabriel was eliminated in 2nd place
Wade Barrett won Season One of NXT
Wednesday
Raw got a 3.2. Well it’s up a bit.
Wade Barrett will be on Raw.
Half-Pint Brawlers debuted tonight. That’s all I can bring myself to think about it.
Thursday
Edge said in an interview that he may only have two more years left due to injuries. I can’t say I’m surprised by that really.
NXT got a 1.2. Damn Impact must feel bad right now.
Jericho is going to host a game show on ABC. That could be good.
Rob Zombie is going to host Raw on June 28. I’m very intrigued as to who will be hosting on July 12 since I’ll be at the show.
Impact
Date: June 3, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Title: Smoke & Mirrors
We open with a video about Anderson with everyone being confused about how he’s a face all of a sudden. And we’re confused as to why Sting is now a bad guy. Expect any answers? Nah I don’t either.
Ok let’s see if there is any indication of the tag title match or the King of the Mountain match. Lethal vs. Styles vs. Kaz tonight. I’d bet money on Lethal winning it.
Sting has something to say. He says there are a bunch of smoke and mirrors going on at the moment. He says there is meaning behind his actions but he’s not telling us yet, which translates out as we haven’t thought this all the way out yet so bear with us. The lights go out and we see a highlight package of Sting beating people up.
Here’s Eric and his secretary or whatever. Eric talks about stuff like how Sting hasn’t been a hero or anything like that. He has a match right now and his opponent is behind him. The crowd ruins it by chanting Joe’s name. Morgan is out here in like 3 seconds so I’m not even going to call this a match.
RVD comes down for the save. It’s a tag match tonight as if you couldn’t guess that. RVD says make it a four way. Eric says he doesn’t have that authority which makes no sense and then Hogan comes out and says ok. That was a pointless cameo if there ever has been one.
AJ is mad about the match.
Rosie Lotta Love vs. Roxxi
Rosie is the girl that injured Daffney and is as fat as Awesome Kong but less attractive. Seriously, this is what the Knockouts have become? This is just idiotic and a freak show match if there ever has been one. Roxxi can’t do anything but Madison blasts her in the back with the belt. Naturally this allows her to roll up Rosie for the pin. Rosie doesn’t like the Beautiful People.
AJ Styles vs. Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian
Screw writing everyone’s rankings as it’s not like they mean jack shit. AJ hits the floor and says for them to go at it. The heels double team Lethal but keep fighting to one up each other to impress Flair, finally resulting in Lethal getting a rollup for the pin. This was more of an angle than a match. Flair goes off on AJ after the match. He tells AJ to go home. This is idiotic for some reason. And here’s Angle in the coolest entrance in wrestling.
Back from break, Angle is talking to Kaz and Flair. He says he’s going to destroy Kaz at the PPV. And Flair is pissed off about not being respected by Angle. Flair says Angle should call him god and hold the ropes open for him. This is very saddening to me for some reason. And then Angle throws Flair off the stage and he and Kaz brawl.
Sting blows Morgan off.
AJ is shaken up by what Flair says and says he needs to kill Lethal.
We recap Anderson and Hogan’s thing last week. He’s a face now if they didn’t make that clear enough for you. Anderson comes to the ring where Christy says he has a big announcement for his match at the PPV. I didn’t know he had one. He stares at her chest and loses his focus. Same with her ass.
Hardy and Anderson vs. Beer Money at the PPV simply because they didn’t have a match. Beer Money comes down and Roode talks about what it means to be a team. This could be a great thing for any tag team today to hear. He says they’re like oil and water or Lacey and the midget. That was pointless but somewhat funny I guess. Anderson wants to know why his hair is wet and why Storm always wears sunglasses inside. Hardy vs. Storm next.
Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm
This is going as we come back from the break. Ok so all of the brawling doesn’t count as we’re just now starting. Storm hits Orton’s DDT to take over. Damn calling them Creatures of the Night is getting annoying. Jeff takes over again and goes for the Swanton which of course doesn’t work that easily. Storm spits beer in his face and hits Eye of the Storm for two. Storm swings a chair at Hardy but it hits the ropes and then himself. A Twist of Fate ends in a Stunner and the Swanton ends it.
Robert Roode vs. Mr. Anderson
This is just ok but nothing special. It’s not as good as the previous one but it’s ok. Anderson goes for (and misses) a sunset flip off the top but Roode hooks the ropes for the pin. Is Anderson ever going to like, WIN A MATCH?
Douglas Williams talks about Kendrick. Damn the X-Division is pathetic now.
We recap Terry vs. Jordan and Abyss vs. Wolfe. Gee you think this is going to be a tag match?
Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe vs. Rob Terry/Abyss
They actually address the false charges and say Wolfe and Chelsea got off with community service and probation. Jordan has one of those stupid pump shake things and hits Abyss in the head with it before the match starts. Orlando goes after Chelsea and she slaps him in the face. Wolfe yells at her for no adequately explored reason as the main event is going to get about five minutes. Terry beats up Jordan in the ring and hits the Freak Buster for the pin.
We recap Team 3D vs. Jesse Neal which is actually going to get PPV time.
Jesse Neal has been attacked and has a playing card on him.
Rob Van Dam vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan
It’s 10:57 and we’re just getting to the third intro. The two feuds fight either in or out of the ring as Sting is still wearing that damn t-shirt. To their credit here they’re actually doing all four in the ring at once. Morgan is in control but thinks he sees Hernandez in the crowd. RVD hits a Five Star on Morgan for the pin. This is a textbook example of Russo Booking: clusterfuck of a match, big name talent, goes too fast to tell if it was good or not. Joe and RVD have a staredown to end the show.
Results
Roxxie b. Rosie Lotta Love – Small Package
Jay Lethal b. AJ Styles and Kazarian – Rollup on Styles
Jeff Hardy b. James Storm – Swanton Bomb
Robert Roode b. Mr. Anderson – Rollup While Holding the Ropes
Rob Terry/Abyss b. Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe – Freak Buster on Jordan
Rob Van Dam b. Sting, Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan – Five Star Frog Splash On Morgan
Friday
Half Pint Brawlers got a .7, which is in range of Impact. This keeps getting funnier and funnier.
Impact got a .9.
Smackdown
Date: June 4, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open in Teddy Long’s office and are told that the Undertaker was found in a vegetative state by Kane and that there’s an ongoing investigation. First image in the intro: Taker with his eyes back in his head. Brilliant.
Kofi vs. Drew tonight.
We open with the druids and the ring all decorated in black, my guess being for a funeral. And they have a casket with them. Kane comes out to deliver a eulogy. In his ring gear. Sure why not? They open the coffin and it’s empty. Kane says his brother (so in a few years they’ll just be old friends right?) is gone.
Oh and a lot of people actually said this was real. That’s just amusing. Also, if Kane winds up being the attacker, I’ll be pissed. Kane FREAKS out and shouts about vengeance etc. This came off as pretty emotional actual so I was pretty happy with this.
Jack Swagger vs. MVP
Swagger wears his Oklahoma jersey for the cheap but basic heel heat. Nothing wrong with cheap heat at all either. So is there a reason why MVP gets to annoy me here? MVP starts with the shirt down and pulls it on. Just take it off and leave it off. Shut up you perverts.
An amateur sequence gets us nowhere. MVP slaps Swagger a few times and we go to a break. Swagger works on the arm for a good while with some different looking submissions. Can’t complain there. He throws in the running Vader Bomb which is a nice touch. Ballin doesn’t work so MVP hits a belly to belly on a running Swagger. I say belly to belly and mean he put his hands on Swagger’s hips and Swagger flipped over him.
Ballin gets two which is shocking, even though it’s a damn elbow drop. The Vader Bomb misses the second time as this is picking up a bit. MVP misses a charge in the corner and Swagger rolls him up for the clean pin. Swagger needs more of these kinds of wins. It makes him look better and stronger as champion. A
rcher and Hawkins beat up MVP post match as they continue to try to make an impact. They’re called the Gatecrashers now. Ok I can live with that. Nothing wrong with adding a new tag team that isn’t entirely thrown together.
Vickie comes to talk to Teddy about who should be in Taker’s spot. She suggests Ziggler and says roster, which gives Teddy the idea of everyone on the roster being in a battle royal for the spot. I can live with that too.
We recap Barrett winning NXT.
Punk is putting his mask on and Kane comes in thinking it was him. Punk denies involvement and offers the help of the SES to figure it out. I think Kane declines.
We recap the Drew/Matt segment from last week where Matt was suspended. This has to end in a match with no rules rather than a one on one match.
Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston
Drew has the dark tights now which I’m not sure if I like better than the white ones or not. After a fairly boring start, Matt comes through the crowd with a front row ticket. After a break, this is more or less all Drew at this point with him keeping Kofi grounded which is fairly smart. McIntyre can’t decide if he wants to work on the back or the knee. Apparently he hits a neckbreaker on the knee. Wouldn’t that be like, a knee breaker?
Boom Drop hits but the Trouble in Paradise doesn’t. And now Drew slaps Matt, which is assaulting a fan which should be grounds for a suspension or firing. Security takes Matt away as Kofi hits SOS to retain. Matt runs in for a Twist of Fate and then runs away afterwards.
Kane and Rey pray for Taker so Kane goes after Rey and asks if he had anything to do with it.
Back from a break, Swagger talks about how great the University of Oklahoma is. That’s blasphemy in Texas. He starts leading the crowd in the Oklahoma fight song but Kane is here to ask what Swagger knows. No answer and it’s Divas time.
Rosa Mendes vs. Kelly Kelly
Why does this match make my head hurt already? Laycool comes out to annoy Kelly as I wonder who thought this was a good idea. The boots do look good on Michelle. This match sucks in case you couldn’t guess. It’s the kind of incredibly choreographed stuff that just looks horrible. She hits her Fameasser finisher called K2 for the pin and we get a staredown between Kelly’s boobs and Laycool.
Horny and Show are playing cards and the bald ones have a staredown. Kane came in in case you didn’t get that. Show is at least 3 inches taller than Kane. That’s FREAKY when Kane is a huge man. Kane nearly starts crying.
We see the Kane thing from earlier and it’s battle royal time!
Fatal Fourway Qualifying Battle Royal
Rey Mysterio, Dolph Ziggler, Finlay, MVP, JTG, Chavo Guerrero, Christian, Drew McIntyre, Kofi Kingston, Caylen Croft, Trent Barreta, Kane, Vance Archer, Curt Hawkins, Luke Gallows, Chris Masters
This starts off as your usual battle royal: a massive clusterfuck. A lot of people go after Drew with the explanation being that no one likes him. Rey goes through the ropes to go after Punk but Gallows makes the save. I don’t think anyone is out yet and we’ve already taken a break. We’re at the let’s all lay on the ropes and punch each other to pretend like we’re doing something point.
Kane gets the Andre treatment but Gallows of all people saves him. Masters and Croft go out and there goes Baretta and JTG. The bald guys go at it and down goes Gallows. Archer has some energy, I’ll give him that. Kofi hits a Cactus Clothesline on Drew and they’re both out. Ziggler gets the sleeper on Finlay and somehow Chavo is still in there while fighting Kane.
Christian dumps Ziggler but Finlay gets rid of Christian to get us down to 8 or so as we hit another break. We’re back and just about everyone is down. There are 8 left: Archer, Finlay, Kane, Gallows, Chavo, Hawkins, Mysterio and MVP. Rey misses 619 but hooks a nice headscissors to get rid of Chavo.
Finlay gets Rey in a Fireman’s Carry and runs him back and forth across the ring without being able to get rid of him. Todd says Archer is one of the biggest stars left. In quick order we’re down to Gallows, Rey and Kane. Well that didn’t take long at all. Kane kicks Rey in the head. Nice one.
And here’s the masked man to kick Kane in the head. GALLOWS THROWS KANE…to the apron. He gets back in and chokeshoves Gallows out. Oh look Rey vs. a giant. I’m stunned. 619 doesn’t work and I’m just waiting for Rey to win it somehow. 619 hits to a WEAK pop but he jumps into a chokeslam which is countered into a weak hurricanrana for the win. The celebration closes the show.
Results
Jack Swagger b. MVP
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
Kelly Kelly b. Rosa Mendes – K2
Rey Mysterio won a Battle Royal
Quick Results
Raw
R-Truth b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Santino Marella/Eve Torres b. William Regal/Maryse – Vladimir Kozlov chokeslamed Regal
Daniel Bryan b. The Miz – Rollup
John Cena/Evan Bourne b. Edge/Sheamus – Air Bourne to Sheamus
NXT
Wade Barrett b. Justin Gabriel and David Otunga – Rollup on Gabriel
Justin Gabriel was eliminated in 2nd place
Wade Barrett won Season One of NXT
Impact
Roxxie b. Rosie Lotta Love – Small Package
Jay Lethal b. AJ Styles and Kazarian – Rollup on Styles
Jeff Hardy b. James Storm – Swanton Bomb
Robert Roode b. Mr. Anderson – Rollup While Holding the Ropes
Rob Terry/Abyss b. Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe – Freak Buster on Jordan
Rob Van Dam b. Sting, Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan – Five Star Frog Splash On Morgan
Smackdown
Jack Swagger b. MVP
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
Kelly Kelly b. Rosa Mendes – K2
Rey Mysterio won a Battle Royal
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 31, 2010
Location: University of Texas, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Ashton Kutcher
Our show opens with a fight going on in the middle of the ring. That works. It’s Edge beating up Bourne. After a brief comeback a spear ends it. Apparently Edge came out to say something and Bourne said he was tired of waiting. Edge says he’ll win at the PPV and here comes Orton. Edge runs his mouth about how Orton is hurt etc but an- RKO shuts him up. Nice opening with a different flavor to it.
Orton/Cena vs. Sheamus/Edge tonight.
We go to the host with Eve and he talks about Zach Ryder insulting him on Twitter. Apparently someone will get him later but he doesn’t say who. I bet on Khali. Miz comes up and talks to Kutcher and apparently we get Miz vs. Daniel Bryan tonight. Kutcher misses the Farm Hand. That’s what wrestling fans can do for you.
R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho
This works. I guess Jericho is helping elevate people. Who would have seen that coming? This is a pretty decent match actually which gets a good amount of time. It’s back and forth and all that jazz and Jericho takes over for a good bit. Lionsault of course misses but the Walls don’t. Truth hooks Jericho’s leg on the way over though into a small package for the win. Not bad. Jericho is STUNNED. The facials this guy has are great.
We recap Batista’s segment last week. It amazes me how many people on this show get TV time without being employed here allegedly.
We go to Ryder and Alicia in the back with Bret and he doesn’t care. Here’s the Hart Dynasty and we’re told they were the Usos. Bret signed them apparently and thinks the Harts need some adversity.
Eve Torres/Santino Marella vs. Maryse/William Regal
I had Ryder and Alicia typed out already. This is odd. Regal is still called King of the Ring of 2008. Ok then. Santino says Kozlov should join him and if he does Eve will sleep with him. Scratch that apparently. This has to be gender A vs. gender B. Regal hooks the Regal Stretch which will result in a fine for him I’m sure since it’s a modified STF. Kozlov runs in and chokeslams Regal to let Santino get the pin. Maryse and Kozlov leave together kind of.
We get a nice tribute to the troops that have been killed in war for Memorial Day. Those are always nice.
Bret comes out and says he has a surprise for next week. Apparently Smackdown and Raw are coming together for a three hour show. If the fans or wrestlers have any ideas, he wants to hear them. Ted DiBiase and Virgil come out and I wonder how many people are going to be incredibly confused when they see those names if they haven’t watched in awhile. He says he should be GM for the night next week and he’ll pay whatever it takes to do so.
I love seeing the reflection in the sunglasses. Ted Jr. isn’t as good as his father was. And I mean not even close. Kutcher pops up on the screen and says make it Viewer’s Choice like Cyber Sunday or Taboo Tuesday. That’s the deal apparently….and here’s VINCE! He gets on Bret for the 18 chair shots at Mania and the fans remind him that he tapped out. Vince says you have to treat the fans as children sometimes and Bret has to be ready for any reaction. He gives a cryptic warning and we’re done.
We go to Orton and Ryder with Ryder offering protection. Orton is leaning against a door which opens up and Edge slams it onto his arm. Nice one.
The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan
So this goes from a big PPV match to this. Ok then. This is rather short and is rather stiff. Miz gets caught in a SICK looking Crossface style move where his arm looks like it’s about to be shattered. Miz counters into a rollup and Bryan counters that into a pin. Post match Miz jumps him and takes him to the floor but is countered and Bryan throws Miz at Cole. Ok that was cool.
We recap the Usos’ attack from last week and now they’re in the ring. Oh I’m going to hate these guys. They talk about being a family as well and being from the Wild Samoans etc. It’s a lot longer than that. Here are the champions and it’s on. Well the family wars have begun. Hart Attack is blocked though and you would think David would realize it’s not coming and drop the damn guy. Double superkick and an elevated Samoan Drop sets up the triple splash. Good segment to get them over and introduce them though.
Orton is out of the main event apparently.
Zach Ryder and Alicia Fox come out and Kutcher says he has a surprise for Ryder. JERRY LAWLER sneaks into the ring with a chair. It’s not him. Here’s Khali. It’s not him either. Here’s Goldust. Not HIM either. Alicia is awesome and then she kicks Ryder in the head. Ok then. Her hips seriously have a mind of their own.
We have a This Week in WWE History as it’s about Sylvester Ritter, Junkyard Dog.
The cast of A-Team hosts next week.
Edge/Sheamus vs. John Cena/???
Cena comes out and says he could pick anyone since everyone hates Bourne and Edge. It’s Bourne. Oh dear. The LD EXPLODED over this but I love it. It fits the story for tonight and they’re throwing someone out there to see if it works. What’s wrong with that? Bourne gets beaten down in the ring while Cena steals the show on the apron. The guy just bleeds charisma and keeps things moving. Things like that keeps him ahead of everyone else.
Cena and Sheamus get the hot tags and the place is WHITE hot. FU is countered and Sheamus sets for the Pump Kick. Bourne kicks him in the head, tags brings in Bourne and a SICK Shooting Star Press ends it. The FU was more or less spinning him to the side so it was like an FU/F5 hybrid. The SSP was probably the best one I’ve ever seen too. GREAT ending to a GREAT Raw.
Results
R-Truth b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Santino Marella/Eve Torres b. William Regal/Maryse – Vladimir Kozlov chokeslamed Regal
Daniel Bryan b. The Miz – Rollup
John Cena/Evan Bourne b. Edge/Sheamus – Air Bourne to Sheamus
Tuesday
NXT
Date: June 1, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
We open with the five rookies eliminated on the front row. Ok then. Most of the pros are here. The finalists are here. There’s a triple threat up next and we also find out who the rookies and the pros are tonight.
First rookie is Husky Harris with Cody Rhodes. Ok then. He’s Mike Rotundo’s son if that helps.
Back from break and John Morrison is a pro. He talks about how his pro is really tall and named Eli Cottonwood. Ok then.
Justin Gabriel vs. Wade Barrett vs. David Otunga
We go elimination rules here. I like that. Jericho yells at the referees to talk about Barrett. Apparently popularity comes into play as the pros only have 50% of the vote. I like that. After not much of interest, the 450 hits Otunga but Barrett pulls him out and pins Otunga to get us to one on one. Well he does get credit for one win in this now I guess. This isn’t bad once we get down to one on one. Gabriel does what he can as Jericho is FREAKING over this. 450 gets knees and Barrett rolls him up for the pin.
MVP is a pro for season 2 and his rookie is from South Beach and is a party guy. Isn’t that what Darren Young was? His name is Percy Watson though, and he’s shall we say flamboyant.
After a lot of commercials, Zach Ryder is going to be a rookie on the next season with a pro named Titus O’Neil who looks like a bad ass and Michael Tarver with talent.
It’s time for the first Poll and we hear from the eliminated rookies. Tarver says he should win, Bryan says Barrett, Sheffield says he doesn’t care. Young says Barrett. Slater says Barrett.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Justin Gabriel
Gabriel says he’s tenacious and says he’ll be back. Matt Hardy says Gabriel will be back.
Michelle and Layla are both pros next season. I love these two and the rookie is Kaval.
Mark Henry is a pro. Oh dear. His guy is Lucky Cannon. What the hell?
We get a promo war. Otunga cannot talk. He simply cannot do it. Barrett rips him apart.
Kofi has Joe Hennig, but his name is Michael McGillicutty. Oh and of course we’re told he’s Curt’s son, which makes it make NO SENSE but whatever.
Back from the break and Miz is going to be a pro again with Alex Riley, who is a big deal in FCW if I remember correctly.
They say go to the poll and Regal congratulates the winner even though it hasn’t been announced yet. And now they pros are arguing over how Barrett has the talent to win no matter who his pro is. Oh I swear if they give this to Otunga….I don’t know what I’ll do. THANK GOODNESS Barrett wins it.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Justin Gabriel and David Otunga – Rollup on Gabriel
Justin Gabriel was eliminated in 2nd place
Wade Barrett won Season One of NXT
Wednesday
Raw got a 3.2. Well it’s up a bit.
Wade Barrett will be on Raw.
Half-Pint Brawlers debuted tonight. That’s all I can bring myself to think about it.
Thursday
Edge said in an interview that he may only have two more years left due to injuries. I can’t say I’m surprised by that really.
NXT got a 1.2. Damn Impact must feel bad right now.
Jericho is going to host a game show on ABC. That could be good.
Rob Zombie is going to host Raw on June 28. I’m very intrigued as to who will be hosting on July 12 since I’ll be at the show.
Impact
Date: June 3, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Title: Smoke & Mirrors
We open with a video about Anderson with everyone being confused about how he’s a face all of a sudden. And we’re confused as to why Sting is now a bad guy. Expect any answers? Nah I don’t either.
Ok let’s see if there is any indication of the tag title match or the King of the Mountain match. Lethal vs. Styles vs. Kaz tonight. I’d bet money on Lethal winning it.
Sting has something to say. He says there are a bunch of smoke and mirrors going on at the moment. He says there is meaning behind his actions but he’s not telling us yet, which translates out as we haven’t thought this all the way out yet so bear with us. The lights go out and we see a highlight package of Sting beating people up.
Here’s Eric and his secretary or whatever. Eric talks about stuff like how Sting hasn’t been a hero or anything like that. He has a match right now and his opponent is behind him. The crowd ruins it by chanting Joe’s name. Morgan is out here in like 3 seconds so I’m not even going to call this a match.
RVD comes down for the save. It’s a tag match tonight as if you couldn’t guess that. RVD says make it a four way. Eric says he doesn’t have that authority which makes no sense and then Hogan comes out and says ok. That was a pointless cameo if there ever has been one.
AJ is mad about the match.
Rosie Lotta Love vs. Roxxi
Rosie is the girl that injured Daffney and is as fat as Awesome Kong but less attractive. Seriously, this is what the Knockouts have become? This is just idiotic and a freak show match if there ever has been one. Roxxi can’t do anything but Madison blasts her in the back with the belt. Naturally this allows her to roll up Rosie for the pin. Rosie doesn’t like the Beautiful People.
AJ Styles vs. Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian
Screw writing everyone’s rankings as it’s not like they mean jack shit. AJ hits the floor and says for them to go at it. The heels double team Lethal but keep fighting to one up each other to impress Flair, finally resulting in Lethal getting a rollup for the pin. This was more of an angle than a match. Flair goes off on AJ after the match. He tells AJ to go home. This is idiotic for some reason. And here’s Angle in the coolest entrance in wrestling.
Back from break, Angle is talking to Kaz and Flair. He says he’s going to destroy Kaz at the PPV. And Flair is pissed off about not being respected by Angle. Flair says Angle should call him god and hold the ropes open for him. This is very saddening to me for some reason. And then Angle throws Flair off the stage and he and Kaz brawl.
Sting blows Morgan off.
AJ is shaken up by what Flair says and says he needs to kill Lethal.
We recap Anderson and Hogan’s thing last week. He’s a face now if they didn’t make that clear enough for you. Anderson comes to the ring where Christy says he has a big announcement for his match at the PPV. I didn’t know he had one. He stares at her chest and loses his focus. Same with her ass.
Hardy and Anderson vs. Beer Money at the PPV simply because they didn’t have a match. Beer Money comes down and Roode talks about what it means to be a team. This could be a great thing for any tag team today to hear. He says they’re like oil and water or Lacey and the midget. That was pointless but somewhat funny I guess. Anderson wants to know why his hair is wet and why Storm always wears sunglasses inside. Hardy vs. Storm next.
Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm
This is going as we come back from the break. Ok so all of the brawling doesn’t count as we’re just now starting. Storm hits Orton’s DDT to take over. Damn calling them Creatures of the Night is getting annoying. Jeff takes over again and goes for the Swanton which of course doesn’t work that easily. Storm spits beer in his face and hits Eye of the Storm for two. Storm swings a chair at Hardy but it hits the ropes and then himself. A Twist of Fate ends in a Stunner and the Swanton ends it.
Robert Roode vs. Mr. Anderson
This is just ok but nothing special. It’s not as good as the previous one but it’s ok. Anderson goes for (and misses) a sunset flip off the top but Roode hooks the ropes for the pin. Is Anderson ever going to like, WIN A MATCH?
Douglas Williams talks about Kendrick. Damn the X-Division is pathetic now.
We recap Terry vs. Jordan and Abyss vs. Wolfe. Gee you think this is going to be a tag match?
Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe vs. Rob Terry/Abyss
They actually address the false charges and say Wolfe and Chelsea got off with community service and probation. Jordan has one of those stupid pump shake things and hits Abyss in the head with it before the match starts. Orlando goes after Chelsea and she slaps him in the face. Wolfe yells at her for no adequately explored reason as the main event is going to get about five minutes. Terry beats up Jordan in the ring and hits the Freak Buster for the pin.
We recap Team 3D vs. Jesse Neal which is actually going to get PPV time.
Jesse Neal has been attacked and has a playing card on him.
Rob Van Dam vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan
It’s 10:57 and we’re just getting to the third intro. The two feuds fight either in or out of the ring as Sting is still wearing that damn t-shirt. To their credit here they’re actually doing all four in the ring at once. Morgan is in control but thinks he sees Hernandez in the crowd. RVD hits a Five Star on Morgan for the pin. This is a textbook example of Russo Booking: clusterfuck of a match, big name talent, goes too fast to tell if it was good or not. Joe and RVD have a staredown to end the show.
Results
Roxxie b. Rosie Lotta Love – Small Package
Jay Lethal b. AJ Styles and Kazarian – Rollup on Styles
Jeff Hardy b. James Storm – Swanton Bomb
Robert Roode b. Mr. Anderson – Rollup While Holding the Ropes
Rob Terry/Abyss b. Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe – Freak Buster on Jordan
Rob Van Dam b. Sting, Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan – Five Star Frog Splash On Morgan
Friday
Half Pint Brawlers got a .7, which is in range of Impact. This keeps getting funnier and funnier.
Impact got a .9.
Smackdown
Date: June 4, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open in Teddy Long’s office and are told that the Undertaker was found in a vegetative state by Kane and that there’s an ongoing investigation. First image in the intro: Taker with his eyes back in his head. Brilliant.
Kofi vs. Drew tonight.
We open with the druids and the ring all decorated in black, my guess being for a funeral. And they have a casket with them. Kane comes out to deliver a eulogy. In his ring gear. Sure why not? They open the coffin and it’s empty. Kane says his brother (so in a few years they’ll just be old friends right?) is gone.
Oh and a lot of people actually said this was real. That’s just amusing. Also, if Kane winds up being the attacker, I’ll be pissed. Kane FREAKS out and shouts about vengeance etc. This came off as pretty emotional actual so I was pretty happy with this.
Jack Swagger vs. MVP
Swagger wears his Oklahoma jersey for the cheap but basic heel heat. Nothing wrong with cheap heat at all either. So is there a reason why MVP gets to annoy me here? MVP starts with the shirt down and pulls it on. Just take it off and leave it off. Shut up you perverts.
An amateur sequence gets us nowhere. MVP slaps Swagger a few times and we go to a break. Swagger works on the arm for a good while with some different looking submissions. Can’t complain there. He throws in the running Vader Bomb which is a nice touch. Ballin doesn’t work so MVP hits a belly to belly on a running Swagger. I say belly to belly and mean he put his hands on Swagger’s hips and Swagger flipped over him.
Ballin gets two which is shocking, even though it’s a damn elbow drop. The Vader Bomb misses the second time as this is picking up a bit. MVP misses a charge in the corner and Swagger rolls him up for the clean pin. Swagger needs more of these kinds of wins. It makes him look better and stronger as champion. A
rcher and Hawkins beat up MVP post match as they continue to try to make an impact. They’re called the Gatecrashers now. Ok I can live with that. Nothing wrong with adding a new tag team that isn’t entirely thrown together.
Vickie comes to talk to Teddy about who should be in Taker’s spot. She suggests Ziggler and says roster, which gives Teddy the idea of everyone on the roster being in a battle royal for the spot. I can live with that too.
We recap Barrett winning NXT.
Punk is putting his mask on and Kane comes in thinking it was him. Punk denies involvement and offers the help of the SES to figure it out. I think Kane declines.
We recap the Drew/Matt segment from last week where Matt was suspended. This has to end in a match with no rules rather than a one on one match.
Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston
Drew has the dark tights now which I’m not sure if I like better than the white ones or not. After a fairly boring start, Matt comes through the crowd with a front row ticket. After a break, this is more or less all Drew at this point with him keeping Kofi grounded which is fairly smart. McIntyre can’t decide if he wants to work on the back or the knee. Apparently he hits a neckbreaker on the knee. Wouldn’t that be like, a knee breaker?
Boom Drop hits but the Trouble in Paradise doesn’t. And now Drew slaps Matt, which is assaulting a fan which should be grounds for a suspension or firing. Security takes Matt away as Kofi hits SOS to retain. Matt runs in for a Twist of Fate and then runs away afterwards.
Kane and Rey pray for Taker so Kane goes after Rey and asks if he had anything to do with it.
Back from a break, Swagger talks about how great the University of Oklahoma is. That’s blasphemy in Texas. He starts leading the crowd in the Oklahoma fight song but Kane is here to ask what Swagger knows. No answer and it’s Divas time.
Rosa Mendes vs. Kelly Kelly
Why does this match make my head hurt already? Laycool comes out to annoy Kelly as I wonder who thought this was a good idea. The boots do look good on Michelle. This match sucks in case you couldn’t guess. It’s the kind of incredibly choreographed stuff that just looks horrible. She hits her Fameasser finisher called K2 for the pin and we get a staredown between Kelly’s boobs and Laycool.
Horny and Show are playing cards and the bald ones have a staredown. Kane came in in case you didn’t get that. Show is at least 3 inches taller than Kane. That’s FREAKY when Kane is a huge man. Kane nearly starts crying.
We see the Kane thing from earlier and it’s battle royal time!
Fatal Fourway Qualifying Battle Royal
Rey Mysterio, Dolph Ziggler, Finlay, MVP, JTG, Chavo Guerrero, Christian, Drew McIntyre, Kofi Kingston, Caylen Croft, Trent Barreta, Kane, Vance Archer, Curt Hawkins, Luke Gallows, Chris Masters
This starts off as your usual battle royal: a massive clusterfuck. A lot of people go after Drew with the explanation being that no one likes him. Rey goes through the ropes to go after Punk but Gallows makes the save. I don’t think anyone is out yet and we’ve already taken a break. We’re at the let’s all lay on the ropes and punch each other to pretend like we’re doing something point.
Kane gets the Andre treatment but Gallows of all people saves him. Masters and Croft go out and there goes Baretta and JTG. The bald guys go at it and down goes Gallows. Archer has some energy, I’ll give him that. Kofi hits a Cactus Clothesline on Drew and they’re both out. Ziggler gets the sleeper on Finlay and somehow Chavo is still in there while fighting Kane.
Christian dumps Ziggler but Finlay gets rid of Christian to get us down to 8 or so as we hit another break. We’re back and just about everyone is down. There are 8 left: Archer, Finlay, Kane, Gallows, Chavo, Hawkins, Mysterio and MVP. Rey misses 619 but hooks a nice headscissors to get rid of Chavo.
Finlay gets Rey in a Fireman’s Carry and runs him back and forth across the ring without being able to get rid of him. Todd says Archer is one of the biggest stars left. In quick order we’re down to Gallows, Rey and Kane. Well that didn’t take long at all. Kane kicks Rey in the head. Nice one.
And here’s the masked man to kick Kane in the head. GALLOWS THROWS KANE…to the apron. He gets back in and chokeshoves Gallows out. Oh look Rey vs. a giant. I’m stunned. 619 doesn’t work and I’m just waiting for Rey to win it somehow. 619 hits to a WEAK pop but he jumps into a chokeslam which is countered into a weak hurricanrana for the win. The celebration closes the show.
Results
Jack Swagger b. MVP
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
Kelly Kelly b. Rosa Mendes – K2
Rey Mysterio won a Battle Royal
Quick Results
Raw
R-Truth b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Santino Marella/Eve Torres b. William Regal/Maryse – Vladimir Kozlov chokeslamed Regal
Daniel Bryan b. The Miz – Rollup
John Cena/Evan Bourne b. Edge/Sheamus – Air Bourne to Sheamus
NXT
Wade Barrett b. Justin Gabriel and David Otunga – Rollup on Gabriel
Justin Gabriel was eliminated in 2nd place
Wade Barrett won Season One of NXT
Impact
Roxxie b. Rosie Lotta Love – Small Package
Jay Lethal b. AJ Styles and Kazarian – Rollup on Styles
Jeff Hardy b. James Storm – Swanton Bomb
Robert Roode b. Mr. Anderson – Rollup While Holding the Ropes
Rob Terry/Abyss b. Orlando Jordan/Desmond Wolfe – Freak Buster on Jordan
Rob Van Dam b. Sting, Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan – Five Star Frog Splash On Morgan
Smackdown
Jack Swagger b. MVP
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
Kelly Kelly b. Rosa Mendes – K2
Rey Mysterio won a Battle Royal